Pezhead Monthly | Merry Christmas from Pezhead Monthly

Elf Pez- "It's the typical story- [Santa] and his friends go out and have a great time with Pez collectors all over the world, and I'm stuck up here in the toy workshop, putting the finishing touches on a He-Man action figure."

Faceless Santa- "Turn-Ons: Being a Pez dispenser, of course; Turn-Offs: Making children cry due to lack of face"

Mrs Claus- "And if you get the feeling that despite all your efforts you will still be getting a lump of coal in your stocking, my best advice is to start passing out Pez candy to everyone you meet. Grape, lemon, cola, peppermint, it doesn't matter. If you truly commit to sharing fruity goodness with anyone and everyone, you'll be on that nice list in no time."

Crystal Polar Bear- "For me, not only being crystal but also a Christmas dispenser, I'd like to think it gives the impression that my head is made of ice. Which, by the way, I am very glad is not the case. Otherwise, I would just melt away and be unable to dispense fruity goodness to kids of all ages."

Dashing to the store,
In my souped-up Pezmobile,
To that Pez display
Which has so much appeal
(Ho ho ho)
I looked through rows and rows,
Trying best I can,
'Twas bliss when I did come across
A big-head Spiderman.

Oh, Jingle Pez, Jingle Pez,
Candy and a toy!
Oh what fun collecting is
For ev'ry girl and boy!

Rudolph the Pez Collector
(To the tune of "Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer")
Copyright 2001 JoePez Publications

Rudolph the Pez Collector
Had a very nice display,
And if you ever saw it
You'd know the power of eBay.
Each of his Pez dispensers
Gave his shelf a special touch;
His collection was always growing,
But there never was too much.

Then one frosty winter day,
Rudolph's son did say
"Daddy, when I come of age
Can I give your Pez a stage?

Soon Rudolph's Pez dispensers
Passed on down the family tree.
Rudolph the Pez Collector,
You'll go down in Pez-story!

O Pez Display
(To the tune of "O Christmas Tree")
Copyright 2001 JoePez Publications

O Pez Display, O Pez Display!
I browse through your selection!
O Pez Display, O Pez Display!
You give my life direction!

Some Brand New Pez
To the tune of "White Christmas"
Copyright 2010 JoePez Publications

I'm dreaming of some brand new Pez
In plastic bag or mint on card
In the Christmas section,
A new selection
This year would really warm my heart

I'm dreaming of some brand new Pez
With patent number five point nine.
May the shelves hold promise next time,
And may some brand new Pez be mine.

I'm dreaming of some brand new Pez
With some creative card design.
May the shelves hold promise next time,
And may some brand new Pez be mine.

Tilt the Heads
To the tune of "Deck the Halls"
Copyright 2010 JoePez Publications

Tilt the heads of Pez dispensers,
Fa la la la la la, la la la la.
Share the candy and the splendor,
Fa la la la la la, la la la la.

Pop another and another,
Fa la la, la la la, la la la.
For your sisters and your brothers,
Fa la la la la la, la la la la.

Hit the road and go Pez hunting
Fa la la la la la, la la la la.
Chances are you will find somethin'
Fa la la la la la, la la la la.

Check the stores in ev'ry aisle,
Fa la la, la la la, la la la.
When you find Pez, it's worthwhile,
Fa la la la la la, la la la la.

Stand them up all in a row now,
Fa la la la la la, la la la la.
Your collection soon will grow, wow,
Fa la la la la la, la la la la.

The Twelve Pez Conventions
To the tune of "The Twelve Days of Christmas"
Copyright 2010 JoePez Publications

At the second Pez convention a dealer sold to me
Two Crazy Fruits, and
A blue stem Sailor Monkey!

At the third Pez convention a dealer sold to me
Three Maharajas, Two Crazy Fruits, and
A blue stem Sailor Monkey!

At the fourth Pez convention a dealer sold to me
Four Rooster Whistles, Three Maharajas, Two Crazy Fruits, and
A blue stem Sailor Monkey!

At the fifth Pez convention a dealer sold to me
Five Yappy Dogs!
Four Rooster Whistles, Three Maharajas, Two Crazy Fruits, and
A blue stem Sailor Monkey!

At the sixth Pez convention a dealer sold to me
Six Eerie Spectres,
Five Yappy Dogs!
Four Rooster Whistles, Three Maharajas, Two Crazy Fruits, and
A blue stem Sailor Monkey!

At the seventh Pez convention a dealer sold to me
Seven Olive Oyls, Six Eerie Spectres,
Five Yappy Dogs!
Four Rooster Whistles, Three Maharajas, Two Crazy Fruits, and
A blue stem Sailor Monkey!

At the eighth Pez convention a dealer sold to me
Eight Softhead Batmans, Seven Olive Oyls, Six Eerie Spectres,
Five Yappy Dogs!
Four Rooster Whistles, Three Maharajas, Two Crazy Fruits, and
A blue stem Sailor Monkey!

At the ninth Pez convention a dealer sold to me
Nine Wounded Soldiers, Eight Softhead Batmans, Seven Olive Oyls, Six Eerie Spectres,
Five Yappy Dogs!
Four Rooster Whistles, Three Maharajas, Two Crazy Fruits, and
A blue stem Sailor Monkey!

At the tenth Pez convention a dealer sold to me:
Ten full body Santas, Nine Wounded Soldiers,
Eight Softhead Batmans, Seven Olive Oyls, Six Eerie Spectres,
Five Yappy Dogs!
Four Rooster Whistles, Three Maharajas, Two Crazy Fruits, and
A blue stem Sailor Monkey!

At the eleventh Pez convention a dealer sold to me
Eleven Mr. Mystics, Ten full body Santas, Nine Wounded Soldiers,
Eight Softhead Batmans, Seven Olive Oyls, Six Eerie Spectres,
Five Yappy Dogs!
Four Rooster Whistles, Three Maharajas, Two Crazy Fruits, and
A blue stem Sailor Monkey!

At the twelfth Pez convention a dealer sold to me
Twelve Make-a-Faces, Eleven Mr. Mystics, Ten full body Santas, Nine Wounded Soldiers,
Eight Softhead Batmans, Seven Olive Oyls, Six Eerie Spectres,
Five Yappy Dogs!
Four Rooster Whistles, Three Maharajas, Two Crazy Fruits, and
A blue stem Sailor Monkey!

(Editor's Note: you can also download all of these Christmas Pez Carols in one PDF document here)

A while back some senator
Sounded like a noob
When he said the Internet
Was a series of tubes.

How on Earth can one guy
Be so out of touch?
How often does he surf the web?
I'm guessing not that much.

I'd almost given up on him,
My towel nearly thrown,
Until one day at Target,
When my mind was blown.

While in the Christmas aisle
Among the toys and food,
I noticed there was holiday Pez
Inside some plastic tubes.

So I can't fault the senator,
I think he tried his best,
He simply said "the Internet"
When what he meant was Pez.

So yesterday I got the call
And made my way out to the mall;
Never missed this chance at all
Time was short, they needed me.
And though I'm nearly 63,

Coming with a list of loot,
On my lap they share their wants.
Me, I am quite nonchalant
I hear them out, I do not taunt,
No, instead I do respond,
Giving them a Pez to keep.

Telling of their new-found treat,
Offering such happiness.
With sights like this, I do profess:
Near Christmas' heart is always Pez.

'Twas the night before Christmas Pez, and all through the store
Not a cashier was working, not a clerk on the floor;
The aisles were dark, and the night crew was late,
But some things in life are well worth the wait.

Us Pezheads were camped out, although cold and wet,
For rumors of new Pez were all over the 'Net.
And the mission that night of this faithful flock
Was to watch when the truck pulled into the dock.
When into the parking lot, there turned such big wheels,
I sprang from the pavement to see what's the deal.

Away to the loading docks we did take off running,
And though I tripped twice, my speed was still stunning.
The moon was a full one, and I let a howl,
For I sensed a victory from this long Pez prowl.
When we got to the dock and we saw that ramp rise,
My smile was almost as big as my eyes.

Though the little old driver did shoot us a glare,
The guy they call Nick knew why we were there.
He'd seen us before, he knew why we came,
And yet he yelled out, as if 'twas a game:

"Now, Snickers! Now, Reese's! And now, Milky Way!
Now Skittles, now Lifesavers, now Tic Tacs, hooray!
To Aisle 14! As fast as we can!
There's candy to stock, to price, and to scan!"

He loaded his cart with boxes galore,
And after ten minutes he was still loading more.
But unlike before, when our hopes were denied,
That night with a smile Nick waved us inside.
So into that store we all did advance,
Not totally sure how we'd gotten this chance.
But as the cart stopped at Aisle 14,
We all fell so silent at this wondrous scene.
Shelf after shelf was bare as can be,
Just waiting to be stocked with all that candy.
And then, on the cart, was the end of our hunt:
A small cardboard box with "PEZ" on the front.

So Nick simply nodded and gave us the cue,
And it became clear what we had to do.
I knelt down and tore the top off that box,
And what we beheld sent us all into shock.
The new Christmas Pez, right here in the store!
In glossy green wrappers, there were twenty-four.
'Twas Santa, so jolly, and now with some glasses,
A new Snowman, too, for the Pez-hungry masses.
And the new Polar Bear, with a cap on its head,
Along with a Reindeer Pez, fresh from its sled.
I was so amazed, so beside myself,
For we even had found that rare Christmas Elf!

And then, in my mind, a thought very weird:
Whenever did Nick grow that long white beard?
And that big round belly, and that nice red suit?
Did that play a part in this grand Pez pursuit?
Then the lights all came on, and the doors opened wide-
How long had we been with this Pez here inside?
We looked up at Nick, but he was not there,
Not even a trace of him, this I do swear.
But I heard him exclaim, as that truck drove from sight,

I know that last year I was wrong
To send a list five pages long,
So this year it is short and sweet:
Just bring me Pez, that tasty treat.

Whose drug store this, I think I know,
Upon the street that is called Oak;
Will I find the parking lot
In all this blust'ry wind and snow?

I give the pedal all I've got,
My little Chevy lands a spot.
I head towards the sliding door
And past the sale on flower pots.

I know quite well this grand drug store,
I visit once a week or more,
I come here often, yes, because
I know the Pez I'm looking for.

I reach the aisle of my cause.
But I've no reason for to pause,
And miles to go for Mrs. Claus,
And miles to go for Mrs. Claus.

There once was a Pezhead named Kringle
Who was known for his jolly and jingle.
For good boys and girls
He traveled the world,
And Pez would set him atingle.

There once was a Pezhead named Prancer,
Who, when he found Pez, was a dancer.
When asked what should be
Beneath that bright tree,
"Some more Pez" was always his answer.

There once was a Pezhead named Vixen
Whose toy he put candy bricks in.
He often would savor
A single Pez flavor,
But sometimes he'd want be mixin'.

On Saturday and on a lark, I
Drove my car and did embark on
A grand journey to World Market,
Clothed in green and red.

There beside the cocoa mixes,
Giant Toblerones and Twixes,
Mouth agape, I was transfixed:
A House of Gingerbread.

A roof! A door! Four sturdy walls!
Pez candy bricks, upon it all!
I was so utterly enthralled,
A tear I almost shed.

Then on that box, my eyes did see
A Pez dispenser "Mystery"
Oh, what the Dickens could it be?
Would angels fear to tread?

With furrowed brow and words unspoken,
I first thought "Heck, I gotta open,"
For I was most truly hopin'
For Pez I had not yet.

But then I took a pregnant pause
And weighed the gain against the cost,
And thought of jolly Santa Claus
And changed my mind instead.

This box, I say, it shall stay sealed,
Its Mystery Pez unrevealed,
Its cardboard, such a mighty shield,
Its wonder, never shed.

There once was a Pezhead named Rudy
Whose candy was brick-shaped and fruity
His bold sleigh directing
And his Pez collecting
Were his two most critical duties.

There once was a Pezhead named Dasher
Who was known as a real party crasher.
But he’d always come bearing
Some Pez for the sharing,
And never not held in high stature.

That time of year is here once more,
For red and green and gold decor,
For joyful songs and lighted trees,
For times with friends and families.

And in the aisles of the stores,
And online, Pez dot com, of course,
It’s destined, like the Winter breeze:
New Christmas Pez will be released.

Perhaps new reindeer or an elf,
Or even Santa Claus himself,
Or Grogu, Mickey, Hello Kitty,
Across this land, in towns and cities.

And you may try to tell yourself,
“No more Christmas for my shelf.”
But when you see them, you’ll be giddy
And get them for your inner kiddy.

So make some time and cash to spend,
And add to cart- that deal might end!
For ‘tis the season, yes, my friend,
It’s Christmas Pez all over again.

There once was a Pezhead named Cupid
Whose Pez love could not be disputed.
Through the air he would zoom,
Then back to his Pez room
As soon as the eve was concluded.

If These Ornaments Could Talk - A Pezhead Monthly photo essay that imagines what the thoughts of various Pez Christmas ornaments may be.

A Rooster's Journey - A great Christmas story, courtesy of a special contributor to Pezhead Monthly.

The Christmas Gift (click on the picture to open the YouTube video in a separate tab)

"Elf", Pezzified

All I Want For Christmas Is PEZ!

Last Pezmas, I Gave You My Heart...

"It's a major Pez award!" (a Pezzified version of the infamous leg lamp from "A Christmas Story")

"Jingle All The Way", Pezzified

Enjoy Pez, but please do so responsibly.