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Pezhead Monthly
October 2001

Cover and Table of Contents | Page 2 | Page 3

Five Questions for the Headless Pez Dispenser top of page | cover page

Pezhead Monthly: It's certainly awkward to be speaking with a headless Pez dispenser. Can you tell us what life is like for you?

Headless Pez: I get that a lot, actually, the thing about how it feels to not have a head. And I won't lie to you, life can be hard at times. You never realize how valuable a head is until it's gone.

PM: If you feel up to it, can you describe the day this horrible event happened?

Headless Pez has not has an easy life.
The Headless Pez Dispenser has not
had an easy life.

HP: I'll give it a shot. I was just standing there with all the other dispensers, when my collector's little brother came up to the display case. He peered over the entire collection, but his eyes finally fixated on me. I don't know why he chose me, maybe it was the way my paint reflected in the light. But he picked me up and started playing with me, pulling my sleeve out of its stem. Well, one thing led to another, and, you know, boys will be boys, and the next thing I knew he snapped my head off with one big yank, and then he began crying quite loudly, because he knew he was in trouble. Obviously, I was in a little bit of trouble myself. Yep, that was a rough day for me.

PM: Was there anything that happened that day that gave you joy, despite this tragedy?

HP: Well, yes. The boy got a heck of a spanking, and he's not even allowed in the same room as me anymore. Even though I was decapitated, I had to smile.

PM: It is certainly important to look on the bright side, especially in such dire circumstances. What would be your chief complaint about not having a head?

HP: Oh, that's an easy one. Because I am not blessed with a character head such as Snoopy, Kermit, or Yoda, or any head for that matter, I am doomed to roam the countryside and haunt innocent passersby for all eternity with a pumpkin in my hand. To make matters worse, because I'm just a four-inch piece of plastic, I don't even get the joy of scaring the pants off of anybody.

PM: It sounds like you just can't win. It all must be enough to make you lose your head, I'd imagine?

Headless Pez- Doomed to haunt...
Not having the privelege of a head, the Headless Pez is cursed to haunt innocent passersby for all eternity with pumpkin in hand.

HP:
I'm not even going to dignify that with a response.

 

The Pez Almost-Quote of the Month top of page | cover page

Special horror movie edition

"All work and no Pez makes Jack a dull boy.
All work and no Pez makes Jack a dull boy.
All work and no Pez makes Jack a dull boy."

 

Lesser Candy Epitaphs top of page | cover page

In the cemetery of fallen candies, many stories can be told. Herewith, just a few…

Here lies Snickers,
Unsatisfied,
It couldn't top Pez,
But, hey, it tried.

Here lies Mentos,
Once the Freshmaker,
'Till Pez called out
The undertaker.

R.I.P. Here lies Twix
R.I.P. Here lies Tootsie Rolls

Here lies 100 Grand,
Rich in name,
But unlike Pez,
It got no game.

Here lies Skittles,
A rainbow of fruit flavors,
But when compared to Pez,
Alas, 'tis graver.


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