Pezhead Monthly | May 2007

Pezhead Monthly
May 2007

Table of Contents | Page 2

Spring Loaded: A Message from the Editor top of page | cover page

Welcome once again to Pezhead Monthly!

It's been a busy month, with movies and TV shows taking up most of my time. Plus I was able to score a Nintendo Wii and have been having fun with that. There were however a few Pez-related highs along the way. I recently received an amazingly well done Fantasy Skull Pez, and due to my ever-growing collection, I bought and assembled a new Pez shelf. I am looking forward to populating it with Pez stuff over the course of the next few weeks.

Speaking of Pez stuff, this issue of Pezhead Monthly has got some of that, for sure. We start off with some speculation on how some popular TV show season finales would play out if Pez were involved. We also look back on two previous "Five Questions" segments that are of particular relevance this month. ALso in this issue are Pez Poetry and the Pez-Almost Quote of the Month.

And finally, the count is on- there are now less than 100 days until Pezamania 17!

Thanks for reading, and see you next month.

Joe Durrant
Editor, Pezhead Monthly
joe@pezheadmonthly.com

Pez Almost-TV Season Finales top of page | cover page

The month of May is when most television shows reveal their season finales. With so many standout shows this television season, Pezhead Monthly wonders how their finales would shape up if the magic and wonder of Pez were involved. Herewith, some speculation.

Time is running out for Jack Bauer. After he goes rogue yet again, CTU sets up a perimeter to capture him and bring him back to headquarters. Fortunately, like everyone else in the history of the show, Jack escapes the perimeter and sneaks out underneath a Pez delivery truck. When he is safely away from CTU, he realizes that the truck he has escaped on has been rigged with a bomb, and the Austrian ambassador is being held hostage on it. He quickly snaps the driver's neck and calls Chloe on a secure line so that she can download the bomb's schematics onto his PDA. With not a moment to spare, Jack successfully disarms the bomb. CTU arrives on the scene and Jack is cleared of all charges after a congratulatory call from the President.

However, just as the suspense dies down, the phone rings. It is the president of M&M's, and he is holding Jack's daughter Kim hostage. He will only release her if Jack can provide inside information on the new flavors of Pez candy, within the next hour. After a combination of whispering and shouting into the phone, Jack subdues all CTU agents on site, hijacks some random guy's car, and makes his way towards the headquarters of Pez USA in Orange, Connecticut.

Tick, tick, tick, tick…

Heroes

Peter and Sylar continue their epic battle for the fate of civilization, but meanwhile a new hero emerges with an impressive power: When he tilts his head back, Pez candy comes out of his neck. However, the new hero is threatened by yet another new hero, who has the power to shrink down other heroes and add them to his collection. Not even Hiro's time travel powers can prevent a determined collector from getting his greatest score ever. However, Peter then absorbs the Pez-dispensing power and, combined with the telekinesis power he absorbed from some other random hero, is able to fling Pez candies at the collector until he is rendered harmless. The world is safe, at least until next season.

Save the Pez dispenser, save the world.

American Idol

In a surprise turn of events, all of the remaining contestants suddenly catch pneumonia and are forced out of the competition. This provides Sanjaya Malakar the chance to make his glorious return to the show, and as a result he is crowned the next American Idol. While some may claim the lack of competition plays a factor, the real reason for Sanjaya's victory is his exclusive use of Pez songs in his performance. Even Simon is impressed.

In a post-performance interview, Sanjaya also credits the Pez Pony-Go-Round as the inspiration for his "ponyhawk" earlier in the season.

Lost

Another of the island's many, many mysteries is introduced when Sayid and Desmond discover a new hatch. In it is the strange Russian man with the eye patch, and the hatch is also filled from top to bottom with vintage and current Pez dispensers. While Sayid ties the eye-patch guy to a chair to torture some information out of him, Desmond finds custom-made fantasy Pez dispensers of him and his true love, Penny. In a panic, Desmond wrestles Sayid to the ground and lets the eye-patch guy gets away.

In a flashback, it is revealed that the eye-patch guy moved to the island because it provided the perfect climate for his Pez dispensers to retain their mint condition. It is also revealed that he lost his eye in a tragic spring loading accident involving a Donald Duck dispenser.

As the camera pans away from the hatch, a new set of numbers is revealed on its door: 2.6… 3.8… 3.9… 4.9… 5.9… What do these numbers mean? And what to make of the Dharma logo on the Papa Smurf dispenser? The answers will come next season. Possibly. Likely. Perhaps? Well… don't bet on it.

The Sopranos

During a casual visit to New Jersey, New York crime boss Phil Leotardo happens upon one of Tony Soprano's men, Paulie Walnuts, who finds a new Pez dispenser from the drug store next to the neighborhood deli. Intrigued, he follows Paulie back to the Bada Bing, where he looks on in horror as Paulie takes the Pez out of its package and puts it on display with the rest of Tony's Pez collection. Phil immediately confronts Paulie and asks him what gave him the [censored] right to take that [censored] Pez dispenser out of its [censored] package. Paulie angrily responds that Tony prefers his [censored] Pez to be loose, so that others can admire his [censored] collection as a whole. Paulie also recommends that Phil go [censored] himself. Supremely offended at the lack of respect that Paulie is showing to a boss, Phil pulls out a gun and caps Paulie.

This leads to an all-out gang war between the New York and New Jersey families. Each side suffers heavy casualties and there is bloodshed at every corner. In the climatic gunfight, Tony takes out Phil and three of his men, but not before sustaining a fatal wound to his chest. Frantic, he calls his wife Carmella and confesses that although he blew all of the family's money on gambling, he still has one [censored] amazing Pez collection, and that is the most valuable asset he can leave to her. They both cry as sirens are heard in the distance. He tells her he [censored] loves her, closes his eyes, and dies.

Two years later, Carmella is living in a studio apartment next to the train tracks. She has a job as a cashier at the grocery store and is working towards earning her realtor's license. She frequently visits Dr. Melfi to talk about Tony and the good times they once had. She wonders where it all went wrong.

But she's got one heck of a Pez collection, and that's what [censored] counts.

Pez Poetry top of page | cover page

Pez Haiku #76

April showers bring May
Flowers, but I would rather
They bring on the Pez.

Pez Almost-Quote of the Month top of page | cover page

"There's more than one way to load a Pez dispenser."

Two Previous "Five Questions" Segments, Relevant Once More top of page | cover page

This month marks two big events: the annual running of the Indianapolis 500 and the release of the long-awaited movie, "Spider-Man 3." Pezhead Monthly celebrates the occasion by taking a look back to two previous "Five Question" segments.

Five Questions for the Pez Racing Car

Pezhead Monthly: Pez Racing Car, Thanks for joining us. I must confess that I've always wanted to interview you since you were released just over a year ago. Do you have any idea just how cool you are?

Pez Racing Car: Well heck, you're making me blush right off the bat. If I look cool, I only have Pez to thank for designing me. The slick Indy car shape, the rubber tires, the Pez logos... I have to thank Pez for all of it.