Enjoy these Halloween treats from the PezheadMonthly.com archives.

Five Questions | Assorted Stuff | Pez Poetry

Enter the Haunted House of the Five Questions, if you dare! | top of page

Headless Pez-"Because I am not blessed with a character head such as Snoopy, Kermit, or Yoda, or any head for that matter, I am doomed to roam the countryside and haunt innocent passersby for all eternity with a pumpkin in my hand." - more -

Glowing Witch Pez- "I warned you, smarmy interview man! Water of ocean, wood of log… You will now become a frog!!!" - more -

Mummy Pez- "One time someone actually accused me of not being a mummy, but rather a giant set of pink buttocks peeking through a bunch of noodles." - more -

Glowing Skeleton Pez- "Oooh, that's unfortunate. Can somebody pass the butter please?" - more -

Glowing Skeleton Pez- "I know it's considered bad luck to let a black cat cross your path, but trust me, I am an exception to that rule. And if you should ever cross my path, it would be the purrfect opportunity for you to add me to your collection." - more -

You'd better sleep with the lights on, lest you face the horror of... | top of page

My Pez Halloween Costume: Blowin' In The Wind- I recall the time I had the bright idea to create a Pez costume out of cardboard while attending college at Niagara Falls.

Pez Almost-Quote- Special Horror Movie Edition- Work and play...

Lesser Candy Epitaphs- In the cemetery of fallen candies, many stories can be told.

Pez Horror Movies- Just in time for Halloween, these three movies will make you lock your doors, hide under a blanket, and find comfort in the nearest Pez dispenser.

Petey O'Jay- Pezhead Monthly's noble hero goes trick or treating, with less than optimal results.

The Flip Side: Would a Pez Dispenser Make a Good Horror Movie Villian?- Angry Pez and Cool Pez duke it out. Editor's note: this is the closest this publication has ever come to The O'Reilly Factor.

Pez Almost-Quote- Special Horror Movie Edition, Part 2- Very compelling...

Heeeeere's Eggy! - A somewhat disturbing Pezhead Monthly cover image.

Rosemary's Egg Baby - Egg Baby Pez makes another appearance on a Pezhead Monthly cover image.

The Pez Poetry is alive! The Pez Poetry is alive! | top of page

A Pezhead's Fear · A Pez Nightmare · Pez Haiku #16 · Bucket ·
Pez Haiku #45 · Pez Haiku #67 · The Noise · For Halloween

A Pezhead's Fear | all Pez Halloween poems

I'm not a man who scares that easy,
Blood and guts don't make me queasy.
Witches' spells don't mean a thing,
Nor do bats with flapping wings.
Wolfmen howling in the night
Fail to bring a sense of fright.
Zombies, phantoms, specters, ghosts
Do nothing but amuse at most.
Count Dracula and Frankenstein
Are not among the fears of mine.

But no more Pez? Now that's a dread!
Such eerie thoughts invade my head!
There's no more grape, and no strawberry;
There's no more orange… now this is scary!
Not one dispenser to be found
At stores, garage sales, all around.
No flea markets, no conventions,
No more eBay- dare I mention?
No more Pez to collect and share;
I cannot lie, I'm deathly scared!

So if you want to make me cower,
It won't be in the midnight hour.
You will not need a skull and bones,
No thunderstorms or distant moans,
No haunted houses, no vampires,
No devils shooting balls of fire,
No jack-o-lantern's evil grin,
Not even leeches on my skin.
All you'll need is a world that says,
"I'm sorry, son, there's no more Pez."

A Pez Nightmare | all Pez Halloween poems

I had a dream the other night,
One that filled me with such fright,
The air was thin, I almost gagged-
Trapped inside of a Pez bag!
This plastic prison wasn't dandy,
For though there were two packs of candy,
I had no arms with which to grab,
No fingers to remove the wrap.
I was just a head and stem, and
Surrounded by the scent of lemon;
Instead of skin and bones and things,
I was of plastic, paint, and springs.
The smile that was drawn on me
Belied my deep anxiety-
I tried to scream, but soon did find
I only heard this in my mind!

Giant bodies passed me by,
And on occasion two big eyes
Would peer into my plastic cell,
With gazes I knew all too well.
They'd wonder if it would be smart
To add me to their shopping cart,
Or if they'd rather come on back
When I am on the discount rack.
Inside my mind, I begged and pleaded
To be purchased, to be needed,
But on my face, that stupid grin
Told nothing of the pain within.
And then that moment did arrive,
A hand extended, so alive,
But not towards me, I realized,
And then my fear did multiply.

The worst, I thought, had come to pass,
But I was very wrong, alas,
For at that point, my eyes did see
A Pez, identical to me!
The face, the stem, the plastic bag,
The same amount on the price tag;
In ev'ry sense, it was my clone,
And yet I felt so cold, alone.
For though in him I was reflected,
Instead of me, he was selected.
What injustice, o what offense!
This out-of-Pez experience!
This gave me pause to contemplate:
I would not know the crueler fate,
To be entombed day after day,
Or see myself going away.

I woke up from this chilling dream,
Hoping things weren't as they seemed.
But just in case it was that drastic,
I freed my Pez from all that plastic.
And though I couldn't see or hear
Any trace of shock or fear,
This rescuing was not in vain,
For I had felt their lonely pain.
But when I lined them on the shelf,
Another chill coursed through myself;
I quickly grabbed the duplicates
And sold them on the Internet.
Away they'd go, to someplace warm,
Not knowing of their second forms,
And never having cause to bear
The horror of my Pez nightmare.

Pez Haiku #16 | all Pez Halloween poems

Trick or Treat, smell my
Feet, give me something good to
Eat. Pez will suffice.

Bucket | all Pez Halloween poems

Turn the bucket upside down,
Pour that candy all around.
What sweet treasures will be found
In that sugary pile?

Tootsie Rolls? Oh yes, perhaps,
Maybe, too, some Bottle Caps.
Finger through the candy wraps,
Oh this might take a while.

It's been a long and fruitful night,
Dressing up to scare and fright.
Chocolate brings such delight,
But something else is more worthwhile.

So shake that bucket, one last spout,
The very last thing thing won't come out,
Just have a look, inside, about:
Is that some Pez? Indeed, a smile.

Pez Haiku #45 | all Pez Halloween poems

When a Pumpkin Pez
Is emptied, it is truly
A Pez Hollowing.

Pez Haiku #67 | all Pez Halloween poems

I've lived true horror:
One time I took the last Pez
And had no refills.

The Noise | all Pez Halloween poems

The lights are off, the door is closed,
The popcorn has been microwaved.
And there's a scary movie on
About a creature from the grave.

Did you hear that? What was that noise?
Something went bump in the night.
I think we'd better check it out,
Even though we're filled with fright.

Up the stairs we slowly move,
Until we reach the very top.
Down the hall, the noise returns,
As we come to a sudden stop.

Oh, could it be? Is that the place?
The source of horror so presumed?
We realize we're just two fools
As we move toward that Pez room.

We try the light but it won't take,
We walk in further to inspect.
The door behind us quickly slams,
In total darkness are we left.

Something causes us to trip,
We hit the floors with such a sound.
As lightning flashes fill the room,
We see the terror all around.

No shriek of fear is made tonight,
No chance to run away for help,
For now the two of us are doomed
As Pez upon this haunted shelf.

So when you hear that distant noise,
Pretend it's only in your head.
Or else you soon may find you've joined
The 4-inch, plastic living dead.

For Halloween | all Pez Halloween poems

What will you be for Halloween?
A pirate or a clown?
Perhaps a ninja or a witch,
Perhaps a king with crown?

A grim reaper is always nice,
A cowboy will impress.
A caveman or a Frankenstein
Would be a sure success.

Well as for me, I've made my choice,
I'll stick to what I know.
I'll be a Pez dispensin' fool,
'Cause that's just how I roll.