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Merry Christmas from Pezhead Monthly

Enjoy these stocking stuffers from the PezheadMonthly.com archives.

Five Questions | Pez Christmas Carols |
Pez Poetry
| Miscellaneous Pez Mirth


Five Questions | top of page

Elf Pez- "It's the typical story- [Santa] and his friends go out and have a great time with Pez collectors all over the world, and I'm stuck up here in the toy workshop, putting the finishing touches on a He-Man action figure."

Faceless Santa- "Turn-Ons: Being a Pez dispenser, of course; Turn-Offs: Making children cry due to lack of face"

Mrs Claus- "And if you get the feeling that despite all your efforts you will still be getting a lump of coal in your stocking, my best advice is to start passing out Pez candy to everyone you meet. Grape, lemon, cola, peppermint, it doesn't matter. If you truly commit to sharing fruity goodness with anyone and everyone, you'll be on that nice list in no time."

Crystal Polar Bear- "For me, not only being crystal but also a Christmas dispenser, I'd like to think it gives the impression that my head is made of ice. Which, by the way, I am very glad is not the case. Otherwise, I would just melt away and be unable to dispense fruity goodness to kids of all ages."


Pez Christmas Carols | top of page

Jingle Pez
To the tune of "Jingle Bells"
Copyright 2001 JoePez Publications

Dashing to the store,
In my souped-up Pezmobile,
To that Pez display
Which has so much appeal
(Ho ho ho)
I looked through rows and rows,
Trying best I can,
'Twas bliss when I did come across
A big-head Spiderman.

Oh, Jingle Pez, Jingle Pez,
Candy and a toy!
Oh what fun collecting is
For ev'ry girl and boy!

Some Brand New Pez
To the tune of "White Christmas"
Copyright 2010 JoePez Publications

I'm dreaming of some brand new Pez
In plastic bag or mint on card
In the Christmas section,
A new selection
This year would really warm my heart

I'm dreaming of some brand new Pez
With patent number five point nine.
May the shelves hold promise next time,
And may some brand new Pez be mine.

I'm dreaming of some brand new Pez
With some creative card design.
May the shelves hold promise next time,
And may some brand new Pez be mine.

Also check out:
Rudolph the Pez Collector
O Pez Display
Tilt The Heads
The Twelve Pez Conventions

Or, you can download all Pez Christmas Carols in one document here (PDF)


Pez Christmas Poetry | top of page

Santa, Buddy


A Series of Tubes

A while back some senator
Sounded like a noob
When he said the Internet
Was a series of tubes.

How on Earth can one guy
Be so out of touch?
How often does he surf the web?
I'm guessing not that much.

I'd almost given up on him,
My towel nearly thrown,
Until one day at Target,
When my mind was blown.

While in the Christmas aisle
Among the toys and food,
I noticed there was holiday Pez
Inside some plastic tubes.

So I can't fault the senator,
I think he tried his best,
He simply said "the Internet"
When what he meant was Pez.


Santa Pez Is Coming To Town

So yesterday I got the call
And made my way out to the mall;

Never missed this chance at all
Time was short, they needed me.
And though I'm nearly 63,

People will erupt with glee
Ev'rytime they stop to see
Zany me in Santa's suit.

I sit there in my hat and boots,
Surrounded by those kids so cute

Coming with a list of loot,
On my lap they share their wants.
Me, I am quite nonchalant
I hear them out, I do not taunt,
No, instead I do respond,
Giving them a Pez to keep.

They smile and thank me, sometimes weep,
Over to their parents leap,

Telling of their new-found treat,
Offering such happiness.
With sights like this, I do profess:
Near Christmas' heart is always Pez.


'Twas the Night Before Christmas Pez

'Twas the night before Christmas Pez, and all through the store
Not a cashier was working, not a clerk on the floor;
The aisles were dark, and the night crew was late,
But some things in life are well worth the wait.

Us Pezheads were camped out, although cold and wet,
For rumors of new Pez were all over the 'Net.
And the mission that night of this faithful flock
Was to watch when the truck pulled into the dock.
When into the parking lot, there turned such big wheels,
I sprang from the pavement to see what's the deal.

Away to the loading docks we did take off running,
And though I tripped twice, my speed was still stunning.
The moon was a full one, and I let a howl,
For I sensed a victory from this long Pez prowl.
When we got to the dock and we saw that ramp rise,
My smile was almost as big as my eyes.

Though the little old driver did shoot us a glare,
The guy they call Nick knew why we were there.
He'd seen us before, he knew why we came,
And yet he yelled out, as if 'twas a game:

"Now, Snickers! Now, Reese's! And now, Milky Way!
Now Skittles, now Lifesavers, now Tic Tacs, hooray!
To Aisle 14! As fast as we can!
There's candy to stock, to price, and to scan!"

He loaded his cart with boxes galore,
And after ten minutes he was still loading more.
But unlike before, when our hopes were denied,
That night with a smile Nick waved us inside.
So into that store we all did advance,
Not totally sure how we'd gotten this chance.
But as the cart stopped at Aisle 14,
We all fell so silent at this wondrous scene.
Shelf after shelf was bare as can be,
Just waiting to be stocked with all that candy.
And then, on the cart, was the end of our hunt:
A small cardboard box with "PEZ" on the front.

So Nick simply nodded and gave us the cue,
And it became clear what we had to do.
I knelt down and tore the top off that box,
And what we beheld sent us all into shock.
The new Christmas Pez, right here in the store!
In glossy green wrappers, there were twenty-four.
'Twas Santa, so jolly, and now with some glasses,
A new Snowman, too, for the Pez-hungry masses.
And the new Polar Bear, with a cap on its head,
Along with a Reindeer Pez, fresh from its sled.
I was so amazed, so beside myself,
For we even had found that rare Christmas Elf!

And then, in my mind, a thought very weird:
Whenever did Nick grow that long white beard?
And that big round belly, and that nice red suit?
Did that play a part in this grand Pez pursuit?
Then the lights all came on, and the doors opened wide-
How long had we been with this Pez here inside?
We looked up at Nick, but he was not there,
Not even a trace of him, this I do swear.
But I heard him exclaim, as that truck drove from sight,

"Christmas Pez is for all, and for all a delight!"


Pez Haiku #18

Dashing through the snow
Makes it rather hard to load
A Pez dispenser.


Dear Santa

I know that last year I was wrong
To send a list five pages long,
So this year it is short and sweet:
Just bring me Pez, that tasty treat.


Pez Haiku #4

You'd better not pout,
Cry, or shout; I'm telling you why:
If you do, no Pez.


Stopping By Walgreens on a Snowy Evening

Whose drug store this, I think I know,
Upon the street that is called Oak;
Will I find the parking lot
In all this blust'ry wind and snow?

I give the pedal all I've got,
My little Chevy lands a spot.
I head towards the sliding door
And past the sale on flower pots.

I know quite well this grand drug store,
I visit once a week or more,
I come here often, yes, because
I know the Pez I'm looking for.

I reach the aisle of my cause.
But I've no reason for to pause,
And miles to go for Mrs. Claus,
And miles to go for Mrs. Claus.


Pez Haiku #126

Rudolph with your nose

So bright, won’t you lead me to
Some new Pez tonight?


Miscellaneous Pez Mirth | top of page

If These Ornaments Could Talk - A Pezhead Monthly photo essay that imagines what the thoughts of various Pez Christmas ornaments may be.


A Rooster's Journey
- A great Christmas story, courtesy of a special contributor to Pezhead Monthly.


Christmas-Themed Pez Almost-Quotes

"You want the Pez? Just say the word, and I'll throw a lasso around it and pull it down."

"Every time a Pez dispenses, an angel gets its wings."


Petey O'Jay, December 2006


"A Christmas Story", Pezzified


"It's a Wonderful Life", Pezzified


"Christmas Vacation", Pezzified

Christmas (Pez) Vacation


"Ernest Saves Christmas", Pezzified

 
"The Christmas Gift"


Direct link

"It's a major Pez award!" (a Pezzified version of the infamous leg lamp from "A Christmas Story")

And finally...

Merry Christmas from Pezhead Monthly! May all your Pez wishes come true.


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Enjoy Pez, but please do so responsibly.