Pezhead Monthly | Five Questions for Policeman Pez

Pezhead Monthly
Five Questions for Policeman Pez

Policeman Pez is charged with the duty to protect and serve the Pez dispenser community.

Pezhead Monthly: Policeman Pez, it's great to have you with us for the first Five Questions of 2004. Just to clear the air right away, you are not one of the vintage Policeman Pez Pals from the 1970s, but rather a part of one of the newest Pez sets out there, the Emergency Hero set. Do you find yourself constantly having to explain this?

Policeman Pez: At first, yes, it was all I got done. But my more realistic features, as opposed to the cartoonish features of the vintage Pez, clearly identify me as a newer dispenser. No slight intended against the wonderful vintage Pez, of course.

PM: But of course. On the topic of your more realistic appearance, Policeman Pez, you do give the impression of being more serious than other dispensers. Do you worry that this will clash with the light and cheerful nature of Pez?

PP: Not at all. I'm really not all that serious, truth be told. However, I do need to put up a good front and let people know I mean business. I'm a

nice guy, but if you steal some of my fellow Pez I am authorized to hunt you down and bring you in. I just hope it doesn't come to that, because I am after all made of plastic and I don't think I could put up much of a fight.

PM: It's nice to know you're on our side, Policeman Pez. Plus, I'd imagine that being released with other Emergency Heroes has got to be a big morale booster in times of crisis. Do you find this to be the case?

PP: I certainly do, yes. We all get along pretty well. When traumatic things happen to our fellow Pez dispensers, such as a massive, accidental domino-style dispenser collapse, we are right there on the scene. Everyone plays an important part, even Construction Worker Pez, whose role in an actual emergency we have yet to figure out. When it comes to preserving law and order, Policewoman Pez and I make a great team, along with K-9 German Shepherd Pez, who we are still trying to train to roll over. At least he has the "dispense" command down pat.

PM: Well, I suppose you have to start somewhere. Out of curiosity, is there ever any conflict between the Emergency Hero Pez and the Superhero Pez?

PP: No, we get along pretty well. There are some differences, sure. For example, if I were to encounter a criminal, I would cuff him and read him his rights. This would never happen with Hulk Pez, who would probably growl incoherently and then throw him across the room. But at the end of the day, we're on the same side and, yes, we're both part of the same timeless tradition of Pez.

PM: Quite fascinating, Policeman Pez. Thanks again for joining us this month. Lastly, do you have any dirt to dish on any of your fellow Emergency Heroes?

PP: Being a Pez dispenser, I have a deep and profound admiration for all things Pez, with the possible exception of Pez Popcorn, because that's just plain weird. That being said, some members of the Emergency Hero set do have their quirks. For instance, Diver Pez, bless his heart, is always so melodramatic. Every time something comes up, he always panics and jumps into the water. He never remembers that Pez dispensers are notoriously bad swimmers. But he's not so bad. When he uses that breathing apparatus he sometimes sounds like Darth Vader Pez, and we all get a big kick out of that.

Back to the Five Questions Archive

Enjoy Pez, but please do so responsibly.