Pezhead Monthly | Five Questions for Emperor Palpatine Pez

Pezhead Monthly
Five Questions for Emperor Palpatine Pez

It is useless to resist the powers of Emperor Palpatine Pez.

Pezhead Monthly: Emperor Palpatine Pez, thanks for joining us. You are, believe it or not, the third Pez dispenser from the ever-growing Star Wars dispenser set to be interviewed by this publication, following in the footsteps of Darth Vader Pez and R2D2 Pez. How does it feel to be carrying the Pez torch for the set?

Emperor Palpatine Pez: Silence, young Jedi! I brought young Skywalker to The Dark Side, and I can bring you to it too. You will learn the ways of the Sith, and you will bow down before me!

PM: Whoah, easy there dude. I was just asking a question, there's no reason to get all evil with me. Are you that consumed with the Dark Side that you can't even sit for a nice civil interview once in a while?

EPP: Sorry, I was just trying to uphold my "master of evil" reputation. It's a little hard to do when you're just four inches of plastic, but you have to try, right? In any case, no offense intended. To quote my Pez brother and occasional nemesis Yoda Pez, "Glad to be continuing the legacy of Star Wars Pez, I am."

PM: Well, that's quite a relief. I bet you are quite the popular dispenser these days- in addition to being brand new, you have also been sought after by Pez collectors for many years now. Does it feel good to finally be honored as a Pez dispenser, or do you wish it came sooner?

EPP: I am just grateful for being here, no matter how long it took. I understand that there are others that were in high demand and needed to come before I did, like my protégé Darth Vader Pez for example. And really, have a look at me. I really look a little creepy, you know. Kind of like Strom Thurmond on a bender, or perhaps Jim Breuer in 50 years.

PM: Hey, there is no reason to be so down on yourself. After all, with the highly anticipated new Star Wars movie, "Episode III: Revenge of the Sith" coming out very soon, you will likely be one of the most popular dispensers of all time. As it is you are nearly impossible to find, but I guess in a few months you will be everywhere. Are you basking in your relative obscurity, or are you looking forward to the wider attention which you'll be getting soon?

EPP: Well for now, I enjoy laying low. It gives me a chance to scheme and plan on overtaking the universe, or at least the Wal-Mart store where I can usually be found. However, I know that once I am taken off that card and I become part of a Pez collection, it is no longer my destiny to rule as supreme Emperor of the Dark Side, but rather to dispense fruity goodness to kids of all ages. It's a trade-off but it's one I suppose I am willing to make.

PM: Well that is good to hear. Speaking of Wal-Mart, Emperor Palpatine Pez, is it true that there is an exclusive glow-in-the-dark version of yourself, available only in Wal-Mart stores for a limited time? If so, how do you feel about this?

EPP: Alas, it is true. I was all excited that I would be the most evil dispenser available, way more evil than that Egg Baby Pez from last year, and the Pez folks went and outdid themselves and made a glow-in-the-dark version of myself. Now there's a cat who is really consumed with the Dark Side- whenever the lights are off and darkness reigns supreme, he can always be found. I'd be lying if I said I wasn't jealous. But I really have no reason to complain, because I can hold my own. Plus, I am a Pez dispenser, and that is all that matters. [In eviler-than-usual voice] How about a Pez, young Jedi? Just take it, you cannot resist its powers! [Interviewer takes a Pez] Yes, that's it. Heh heh heh. Yes, yes! Feel the power of the Pez.

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