is useless to resist the powers of Emperor Palpatine Pez.
Monthly: Emperor Palpatine Pez, thanks for
joining us. You are, believe it or not, the third Pez dispenser
from the ever-growing Star Wars dispenser set to be interviewed
by this publication, following in the footsteps of Darth
Vader Pez and R2D2
Pez. How does it feel to be carrying the Pez torch for
Palpatine Pez: Silence, young Jedi! I brought
young Skywalker to The Dark Side, and I can bring you to
it too. You will learn the ways of the Sith, and you will
bow down before me!
Whoah, easy there dude. I was just asking a question, there's
no reason to get all evil with me. Are you that consumed
with the Dark Side that you can't even sit for a nice civil
interview once in a while?
Sorry, I was just trying to uphold my "master
of evil" reputation. It's a little hard to do when
you're just four inches of plastic, but you have to try,
right? In any case, no offense intended. To quote my Pez
brother and occasional nemesis Yoda Pez, "Glad to be
continuing the legacy of Star Wars Pez, I am."
Well, that's quite a relief. I bet you are quite the popular dispenser
these days- in addition to being brand new, you have also been
sought after by Pez collectors for many years now. Does it feel
good to finally be honored as a Pez dispenser, or do you wish
it came sooner?
I am just grateful for being here, no matter how long it took.
I understand that there are others that were in high demand and
needed to come before I did, like my protégé Darth
Vader Pez for example. And really, have a look at me. I really
look a little creepy, you know. Kind of like Strom Thurmond on
a bender, or perhaps Jim Breuer in 50 years.
Hey, there is no reason to be so down on yourself. After all,
with the highly anticipated new Star Wars movie, "Episode
III: Revenge of the Sith" coming out very soon, you will
likely be one of the most popular dispensers of all time. As it
is you are nearly impossible to find, but I guess in a few months
you will be everywhere. Are you basking in your relative obscurity,
or are you looking forward to the wider attention which you'll
be getting soon?
Well for now, I enjoy laying low. It gives me a chance to
scheme and plan on overtaking the universe, or at least the Wal-Mart
store where I can usually be found. However, I know that once I
am taken off that card and I become part of a Pez collection, it
is no longer my destiny to rule as supreme Emperor of the Dark Side,
but rather to dispense fruity goodness to kids of all ages. It's
a trade-off but it's one I suppose I am willing to make.
Well that is good to hear. Speaking of Wal-Mart, Emperor Palpatine
Pez, is it true that there is an exclusive glow-in-the-dark version
of yourself, available only in Wal-Mart stores for a limited time?
If so, how do you feel about this?
Alas, it is true. I was all excited that I would
be the most evil dispenser available, way more evil than that
Egg Baby Pez from last year, and the Pez folks went and outdid
themselves and made a glow-in-the-dark version of myself. Now
there's a cat who is really consumed with the Dark Side- whenever
the lights are off and darkness reigns supreme, he can always
be found. I'd be lying if I said I wasn't jealous. But I really
have no reason to complain, because I can hold my own. Plus, I
am a Pez dispenser, and that is all that matters. [In eviler-than-usual
voice] How about a Pez, young Jedi? Just take it, you cannot
resist its powers! [Interviewer takes a Pez] Yes, that's
it. Heh heh heh. Yes, yes! Feel the power of the Pez.
to the Five Questions Archive
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