Five Questions for Mrs. Claus Pez
Claus Pez, despite her grandmotherly charm, knows 17 unique
ways to kill a man. Do not taunt Mrs. Claus Pez.
Monthly: Mrs. Claus Pez, thank you very
much for joining us. You have the honor of being the newest
Pez dispenser released, as well as the latest addition
to the ever-growing Christmas set. What are your thoughts
on this historic occasion?
Claus Pez: You know, to be honest I'm still
adjusting to the whole thing. I can't tell you how much
of a change it is to one day be married to the man who
brings toys to children all over the world, and the next
day, on top of that, to be a Pez dispenser. One nice thing
about the whole deal is that now I'll actually get to
ride with him on his travels. After all, Pez dispensers
make the perfect stocking stuffers, and both Mr. Claus
Pez and I will surely be going to some good boys and girls
Well, you've got that going for you, which is nice. You
mention your husband, who is of course otherwise known
as Santa Pez. Can you share something about Santa Pez
that only his wife would know?
probably put me on the naughty list for saying this, but
he really is a terrible snorer. Lately he's gotten really
bad. I think it's the excitement of the season. When he
gets really bad I have to find a couple of Pez candies
and load him up in the middle of the night. That always
calms him down. But the way
he's been snoring lately, I'm not sure we have enough
Pez to last us through the month!
Well I'll be darned. While we have you in gossip mode, do you
have any dirt on Reindeer Pez?
No, he's a real sweetie. Although I hear that a few years ago,
he learned the hard way that just because Santa's reindeer can
fly, that doesn't mean reindeer Pez can fly. He was in pretty
rough shape there for a while. Fortunately, his collector has
a knack for repairing dispensers, so in a few days Reindeer
Pez was as good as gold.
Now that's what I call a happy ending. Turning back to you,
Mrs. Claus Pez, I must say that you look quite appropriate for
the holiday season. The Pez designers did quite a nice job on
you. How faithful is your design to your human likeness?
Well now you are just flattering me. I can't say for sure, but
I understand that when it came time for the artist's rendering,
my human likeness had her hair done, and put on the bonnet and
pearls she got from Santa last Christmas. But when it was all
said and done, from what I hear anyway, I ended up looking a little
more like Barbara Bush than Mrs. Claus. But, as the kids like
to say, it's all good.
Truly fascinating, Mrs. Claus Pez. Finally, is there any last-minute
advice you can give to those boys and girls who are, shall we
say, teetering between the nice and naughty lists?
Why, certainly. For one, clean your room everyday and maybe
also take on some extra chores around the house for your parents.
Be nice to people you meet and if you don't have anything nice
to say, don't say it, or at least don't use actual names if
you need to blog about it. And if you get the feeling that despite
all your efforts you will still be getting a lump of coal in
your stocking, my best advice is to start passing out Pez candy
to everyone you meet. Grape, lemon, cola, peppermint, it doesn't
matter. If you truly commit to sharing fruity goodness with
anyone and everyone, you'll be on that nice list in no time.
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