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Five Questions for Mrs. Claus Pez

Mrs. Claus Pez
Mrs. Claus Pez, despite her grandmotherly charm, knows 17 unique ways to kill a man. Do not taunt Mrs. Claus Pez.

 

Pezhead Monthly: Mrs. Claus Pez, thank you very much for joining us. You have the honor of being the newest Pez dispenser released, as well as the latest addition to the ever-growing Christmas set. What are your thoughts on this historic occasion?

Mrs. Claus Pez: You know, to be honest I'm still adjusting to the whole thing. I can't tell you how much of a change it is to one day be married to the man who brings toys to children all over the world, and the next day, on top of that, to be a Pez dispenser. One nice thing about the whole deal is that now I'll actually get to ride with him on his travels. After all, Pez dispensers make the perfect stocking stuffers, and both Mr. Claus Pez and I will surely be going to some good boys and girls this year!

PM: Well, you've got that going for you, which is nice. You mention your husband, who is of course otherwise known as Santa Pez. Can you share something about Santa Pez that only his wife would know?

MCP: He'll probably put me on the naughty list for saying this, but he really is a terrible snorer. Lately he's gotten really bad. I think it's the excitement of the season. When he gets really bad I have to find a couple of Pez candies and load him up in the middle of the night. That always calms him down. But the way he's been snoring lately, I'm not sure we have enough Pez to last us through the month!

PM: Well I'll be darned. While we have you in gossip mode, do you have any dirt on Reindeer Pez?

MCP: No, he's a real sweetie. Although I hear that a few years ago, he learned the hard way that just because Santa's reindeer can fly, that doesn't mean reindeer Pez can fly. He was in pretty rough shape there for a while. Fortunately, his collector has a knack for repairing dispensers, so in a few days Reindeer Pez was as good as gold.

PM: Now that's what I call a happy ending. Turning back to you, Mrs. Claus Pez, I must say that you look quite appropriate for the holiday season. The Pez designers did quite a nice job on you. How faithful is your design to your human likeness?

MCP: Well now you are just flattering me. I can't say for sure, but I understand that when it came time for the artist's rendering, my human likeness had her hair done, and put on the bonnet and pearls she got from Santa last Christmas. But when it was all said and done, from what I hear anyway, I ended up looking a little more like Barbara Bush than Mrs. Claus. But, as the kids like to say, it's all good.

PM: Truly fascinating, Mrs. Claus Pez. Finally, is there any last-minute advice you can give to those boys and girls who are, shall we say, teetering between the nice and naughty lists?

MCP: Why, certainly. For one, clean your room everyday and maybe also take on some extra chores around the house for your parents. Be nice to people you meet and if you don't have anything nice to say, don't say it, or at least don't use actual names if you need to blog about it. And if you get the feeling that despite all your efforts you will still be getting a lump of coal in your stocking, my best advice is to start passing out Pez candy to everyone you meet. Grape, lemon, cola, peppermint, it doesn't matter. If you truly commit to sharing fruity goodness with anyone and everyone, you'll be on that nice list in no time.


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