Editor’s Note: This interview contains spoilers about the fates of Darth Maul and other characters from the Star Wars movies.
Darth Maul Pez is a cut above the rest.
Pezhead Monthly: Darth Maul Pez, thanks very much for joining us. You are actually the
fourth Star Wars Pez dispenser to be interviewed by this publication, which is fitting as
Darth Maul was featured in the fourth Star Wars movie. Well, actually, it was
the first movie Star Wars movie sequentially, but it was the fourth movie
released in theaters… and, uh, I forgot where I was going with that. Anyway,
how does it feel to be a part of the Pez family?
Darth Maul Pez: It feels great! I mean, you know, for a Lord of the Sith and what
have you. Not quite as good as hunting down Jedi, of course. But I am trying to
cool it with the Jedi hunting now that I am a Pez. Now, instead of wielding a
wicked cool dual blade lightsaber, I dispense fruity goodness to kids of all
ages. I would say that’s a fair trade-off.
PM: That’s a good way of looking at things. I see that you were released with a
redesigned Yoda Pez as well. As a veteran of the Pez family, was he more of a
benefit or a threat to you?
DMP: Well, despite being mortal enemies under other circumstances, he really is
quite cool. He introduced me to all of the other Star Wars dispensers, and
assured them that even though I have these freaky yellow eyes, I mean them no
harm. That was much appreciated. After a while, it got a little old with him
lifting me in the air with The Force, but I just chalked that up to hassling
the new guy.
suppose that’s all you can do when you’re the new Pez on the block. I have
heard that it is smart to judge Yoda Pez not by his size. Now, not to make
things uncomfortable, Darth Maul Pez, but things don’t exactly end well for
your counterpart in “The Phantom Menace.” You know, getting cut in half by Obi-Wan and all
that. Do you worry if or when this same fate may fall upon you, or can you just
shrug it off?
I’m not going to lie, it’s always there in the back of my head. No thanks to
Obi-Wan Pez, who can be a real prankster. One time he left an advertisement for
Valentine’s Day Pez in front of me. The catch? It was after Valentine’s Day, so
the ad read “Half Off.” Real funny, Kenobi. Har de har. Then another time he
dedicated a song to me on the radio, which would normally have been a nice
gesture, except that it was “Creep” by Stone Temple Pilots, and it had the line
“I’m half the man I used to be.” What a cut-up he is. I… oh wait a minute.
“Cut-up”? Now he’s got me doing it!! Make it stop!
can see that this has taken quite a toll on you. But hopefully you know after
all is said and done, he wouldn’t actually cut you in half like he did in the
would think so. I mean, he’s a good guy, right? And it’s not like he’d put a
fellow Pez dispenser in harm’s way. Although Anakin Pez, if you are reading
this, I would still watch your back. Especially if Obi-Wan Pez suggests taking
a stroll near any random pools of lava. Kidding! Well, not really.
end, I am not really worried about a fellow Pez dispenser finishing me off.
However… if it was an excited child who pulls me back too quickly and
forcefully to load me up with Pez, accidentally snapping me in two? O, cruel
fate! I will admit, that sometimes keeps me up at night.
PM: Well for what it’s worth, I am definitely sorry for any added stress that this
interview may have caused you. But to end things on a positive note, Darth Maul
Pez, may I just say that you are one of the best designed Pez dispensers in the
Star Wars set, and for that matter one of the coolest dispensers in recent
memory. What does the future hold in store for you?
I’m not really sure, but I’d like to think that the sky’s the limit. After all,
I am a Pez dispenser and it does not get much better than that. I just hope
that people are able to find me in stores, because even though I’ve got a bit
of a dark side, I do enjoy spreading the Pez love. And hey, if you can’t find
me at the local drug store, maybe you’ll have more luck at your shopping maul.
Ha ha, get it? Shopping “Maul”? Oh man, I am laughing so hard my sides are
splitting. And speaking of splitting sides, thanks a lot, Obi-Wan!
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