It's certainly awkward to be speaking with a headless Pez dispenser.
Can you tell us what life is like for you?
Pez: I get that a lot, actually, the thing about
how it feels to not have a head. And I won't lie to you, life
can be hard at times. You never realize how valuable a head is
until it's gone.
If you feel up to it, can you describe the day this horrible event
The Headless Pez Dispenser has not
had an easy life.
I'll give it a shot. I was just standing there with all the
other dispensers, when my collector's little brother came
up to the display case. He peered over the entire collection,
but his eyes finally fixated on me. I don't know why he chose
me, maybe it was the way my paint reflected in the light.
But he picked me up and started playing with me, pulling my
sleeve out of its stem. Well, one thing led to another, and,
you know, boys will be boys, and the next thing I knew he
snapped my head off with one big yank, and then he began crying
quite loudly, because he knew he was in trouble. Obviously,
I was in a little bit of trouble myself. Yep, that was a rough
day for me.
Was there anything that happened that day that gave you
joy, despite this tragedy?
Well, yes. The boy got a heck of a spanking, and he's not even
allowed in the same room as me anymore. Even though I was decapitated,
I had to smile.
It is certainly important to look on the bright side, especially
in such dire circumstances. What would be your chief complaint
about not having a head?
Oh, that's an easy one. Because I am not blessed with a
character head such as Snoopy, Kermit, or Yoda, or any head
for that matter, I am doomed to roam the countryside and
haunt innocent passersby for all eternity with a pumpkin
in my hand. To make matters worse, because I'm just a four-inch
piece of plastic, I don't even get the joy of scaring the
pants off of anybody.
It sounds like you just can't win. It all must be enough
to make you lose your head, I'd imagine?
Not having the privelege of a head, the
Headless Pez is cursed to haunt innocent passersby for all
eternity with pumpkin in hand.
HP: I'm not even going to dignify that with a response.
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