Thirteen
Questions for the Funky Faces Pez Dispensers
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The
Funky Face Pez dispenser set has just hit store shelves
across the United States, and they have already become
instant classics. Pezhead Monthly realized that
it would be doing a disservice to its readership to not
sit down with at least one of these thirteen new Pez dispensers
for the newsletter's regular "Five Questions"
feature.
However,
rather than single out just one of these fine dispensers,
Pezhead Monthly decided that out of fairness to
each of the thirteen dispensers, everyone deserved a seat
at the table. The result as follows is the largest group
interview in Pezhead Monthly's history (shattering
the previous record held by "Five Questions"
veterans R2D2 Pez and
C3P0 Pez).
Pezhead
Monthly: Worried Pez, I suppose I'll start
with you if that's okay. It's pretty rare that a Pez dispenser
set is as large as the
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Nerd
Pez, Mischievous Pez, and Batting Eyelashes Pez are just
three of the thirteen unique personalities of the new
Funky Faces set of Pez dispensers.
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Funky
Faces set is. What are your thoughts on this historic Pez release?
Worried
Pez: This is horrible, just horrible. Do you
think it's just a coincidence that there are thirteen of us,
and thirteen is the unluckiest number of them all? What are
they planning to do to us? Why didn't they release six or seven
of us first, and then the rest later, instead of all thirteen
at once? What are we in for? Oh my god, I think I'm hyperventilating
here… is there a paper bag anywhere?
PM:
Well, I somehow suspect things aren't quite that
bad, Worried Pez. Let's move on to you, Batting Eyelashes Pez.
Is there a certain camaraderie among the new Funky Faces dispensers?
Batting
Eyelashes Pez: Thanks for asking, cutie, but
how would little ol' me be qualified to answer that question?
I'm too busy looking gorgeous to be troubled with such ideas
as camaraderie.
PM:
I see your point, Batting Eyelashes Pez. Turning
to you, Nerd Pez, are you somehow dismayed that you have been
cursed with such a demeaning name?
Nerd
Pez: I don't feel cursed at all. In fact, I feel
honored to be given the name. I am, after all, a nerd. Just
look at these big eyeglasses! They are so much a part of me
that they are actually painted on me. I'm hardcore, man! I can
calculate the radius of a circle while you're still busy trying
to tie your shoes. Nerds rule!
PM:
I applaud your enthusiasm, Nerd Pez. I suppose
it's all a matter of perspective. Moving on to you, Angry Pez,
what's eating at you these days?
Angry
Pez: Lots of things are eating at me. I am angry
that my main role in life is to dispense fruity goodness to
kids of all ages- I mean come on, give me a break! I am also
angry that I can't get any peace and quiet standing on this
shelf with all these other Pez dispensers. But mostly, I am
angry because I am always so angry. That really ticks me off.
PM:
It sounds like you have a lot of aggression
to work through, Angry Pez, and I wish you the best of luck
with it. As for you, Big Grin Pez, why the big grin?
Big
Grin Pez: I know something you don't know, I
know something you don't know! Okay, okay, I'll give you a clue…
wait, no I won't! You'll have to figure it out on your own!
Ha ha! This is awesome!
PM:
Big Grin Pez, oh how you taunt me. It looks like
I have no choice but to move on. Sad Pez, what's going on with
you these days?
Sad
Pez: Everything is horrible. Yesterday, I fell
over and was nearly broken. I think it was Mischievous Pez,
because he really seems to have it out for me. Then, later that
day, I got passed over by my collector- again- in favor of some
other, more uplifting dispenser to put some Pez in. I got the
blues really bad, that's for sure.
PM:
I urge you to cheer up, Sad Pez, because things
are never as bad as they seem. Now, Mischievous Pez, would you
care to respond to this allegation that you tipped over Sad
Pez?
Mischievous
Pez: That is so unfair. Just because I have this
sneaky little grin on my face, why should I be accused of such
a crime? True, I have sometimes been less than perfect. There
was that one time I pretended I was stuck when my collector
tried to load me up with some Pez. You should have seen the
look on his face, trying to get me to open! But would I ever
try to cause harm to a fellow Pez dispenser, even if said Pez
dispenser is just a big old crybaby? Come on man, that's just
plain wrong.
PM:
It's good to hear that even you, Mischievous
Pez, have your standards. Now, Silly Pez, can you please get
serious for a few moments and share with us what's it like to
be part of the grand tradition of Pez?
Silly
Pez: Certainly. It is an honor of highest standard
to be amongst the cultural phenomenon… oh, who am I kidding!
I can't be serious, buddy! Life is too short for that, and I've
got a reputation to protect. Now, try this one on for size:
A Pez, a Skittles, and a Life Saver walk into a bar…
PM:
With all due respect, Silly Pez, I think we all
know how that joke ends. And may I remind you that this is a
family publication. Moving on to you, Baby Pez, has it been
hard to earn the respect of your fellow dispensers with such
an infantile name?
Baby
Pez: No, even though I am but a wee one I do
have the respect of my elders. To paraphrase my hero Patrick
Swayze from "Dirty Dancing", nobody puts Baby Pez
in a corner.
PM:
Well that is definitely good to hear. How about
you, Cool Pez? Are there ever any problems living up to your
namesake?
Cool
Pez: No problems, daddy-o. Everything is gonna
be alright, as long as we just take it easy. The sunglasses
on my face are proof of that. I wear my sunglasses during the
day, I wear my sunglasses at night, and I'm looking good 24/7
with no worries. If I had opposable thumbs, let alone hands
to begin with, I'd definitely be snapping my fingers right now.
PM:
Er… well, thanks for sharing, Cool Pez.
Now, Wink Pez, I get the feeling you're hiding something, and
that makes me nervous. Would you please come clean?
Wink
Pez: Oh, I think you know why I'm winking. Do
you remember Pezamania 12, and how neat it was that you found
that Elvis Pez? Guess who made that all happen? You're looking
at him, Sparky!
PM:
At long last, the truth is known. I guess I owe
you one, Wink Pez. Now, Kiss Pez, you are looking mighty friendly
today. Are you one to kiss and tell?
Kiss
Pez: Well, I'll have you know that I will be
sharing all my secrets in my upcoming book, "Kiss Pez and
the Pez Who Love Her." I have to warn you, I'm not going
to hold back from naming names. To give you a little taste of
what's in the book, I can say that Papa Smurf Pez is quite the
dreamboat.
PM:
Wow, Kiss Pez, that's much more detail than I
wanted to hear. But good luck with the book. And thanks to all
the fabulous Funky Faces for taking the time to say a few words.
We wrap up with you, Smiley Pez, who have the distinct honor
of being the first Pez dispenser to ever be interviewed by Pezhead
Monthly twice. (Editor's note: The first instance was May
2002, back when Smiley Pez was affiliated exclusively with
Wal-Mart) Are things still as sunny now as they were then?
Smiley
Pez: You know what? Things just keep getting
better, man. I'm back in the stores and on the shelves again,
I've got twelve other great dispensers to hang out with, and
life is just so incredibly groovy. The Pez dispenser continues
to be half full, not half empty. And who knows what the future
will hold? One thing's for sure, brother, it's gonna be funky
if nothing else.
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