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Five Questions for Faceless Santa Pez


Five Questions for the Faceless Santa Pez Dispenser top of page | cover page


Let's face facts: Faceless Santa Pez is one in a million.

 

Pezhead Monthly: Faceless Santa Pez, with every possible ounce of due respect, you are really freaking me out over here. Can you please describe your particular condition for the audience?

Faceless Santa Pez: Certainly, my boy. And please, don't be afraid. It seems that someone on the Pez assembly line forgot to supply me with a face when putting me together. As a result, where my eyes, nose, and glasses are supposed to be, there is simply a blank white cylinder. In fact, I believe I have been referred to on several occasions as "Cylinder Claus." It's kind of catchy, I have to admit.

PM: Well, it is good that you have an upbeat attitude about your dilemma. You are one of those rare Pez dispensers known as a "factory error." What are your thoughts on this situation?

FSP: I'd like to take this opportunity to set the record straight. The term "factory error," while likely coined by someone with no ill intent, implies that there is something wrong with who I am, that I am simply the result of an accident and should be treated with disregard. This is so incredibly demeaning. I am a Pez like any other Pez, with the same hopes and dreams and spring mechanisms and patent numbers. My physical appearance may be rather unique, but please look beyond my faceless visage to see who I really am.

PM: Thanks for sharing that, Faceless Santa Pez. How did it feel when you finally realized that you might never be freed from your plastic bag because of your condition?

FSP: At first it was quite frustrating seeing everyone being rescued from their bags while I remained in mine. Rudolph Pez and Snowman Pez, they're living it up out there, while I am still inside, like a child who is grounded- except that I have done nothing wrong! I'm not on the naughty list, I've even checked it twice!

PM: I can only image the trauma you were faced with… no pun intended. Are you doing any better these days?

FSP: I certainly am. In fact, I have come to view this bag as a part of me. It serves as proof of my unique place in the Pez universe. I would not be me without it. I mean, if I should ever be taken out of this bag, who is to say that I didn't originally have a face, until some charlatan simply took it off after I was out of the package? My worth would forever be in doubt. I wouldn't wish that fate on anyone.

PM: It is indeed comforting to hear that your attitude towards your plastic home has improved. I do have one last question, Faceless Santa Pez, and it is one that has been nagging me for a while: if you have no face, and therefore no mouth, how are you even able to speak?

FSP: It's funny you ask, because all this time I have been wondering how you are able to hear me! Sometimes the answers to our questions are right beneath our noses, even when we don't have noses. Merry Christmas to one and all!

Fast Facts about Faceless Santa Pez:

Favorite Song: "Eyes Without a Face"- Billy Idol
Favorite Movie: "Face/Off"
Favorite Member of The A-Team: Templeton "Face" Peck
Turn-Ons: Being a Pez dispenser, of course
Turn-Offs: Making children cry due to lack of face
Opinion of Plastic Bags: Confining yet cozy


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