Pezhead Monthly | Three Questions, Two Awkward Moments, and One Sea Chanty for Davy Jones Pez

Pezhead Monthly
Three Questions, Two Awkward Moments, and One Sea Chanty for Davy Jones Pez

Davy Jones Pez has grand hopes of one day touring with ZZ Top.

Pezhead Monthly: Thanks for joining us, Davy Jones Pez. Not to start this interview off on the wrong foot, but I was sort of expecting something a little different. I mean, you'd think that given the opportunity to recreate one of the most famous singers of the 60s, Pez would have attemtped to be a little more faithful to the source. Are you at all curious as to why the doe-eyed troubadour who serenaded us with "Daydream Believer" would be portrayed as an ornery chap with a mop for a face?

Davy Jones Pez: I would clobber you upside the head if I didn't already get that question five times a day. So I'll say it for the last time, or at least the last time today perhaps, I am not the Davy Jones that was in The Monkees, and I can not hook you up with a Micky Dolenz mint on card. I am in fact part of the new Pirates of the Caribbean Pez set, along with Jack Sparrow and William Turner. And far be it from me to start off on the wrong foot as well, but I've read a couple of your previous interviews and frankly I expected more from you.

[several seconds of awkward silence]

PM: Oh! Um... well... that is... well, this is certainly unusual, you see, uh... typically I try to be better prepared for these things. Boy, heh... there sure is

egg on my face, isn't there? Please accept my sincere apologies, and this coupon for half off a value basket combo from Long John Silvers. I can only hope...

DJP: Half off a value basket combo... from Long John Silvers? Are you trying to insult me now? And another thing young man, I don't have a "mop for a face", this is a squid beard. Squid, I tell you! And you'd better watch it, because you're making my squid beard angry! You wouldn't like my squid beard when it's angry!

[several more seconds of awkward silence]

PM: Okay... well then, moving on. I know from the Pirates movies, and not at all from the tone of the interview thus far, that you have a bit of a short temper and are prone to bouts of evilness. How are you reconciling this tendency with your new role as a Pez dispenser, dispensing fruity goodness to kids of all ages?

DJP: [breathes deeply, mumbles what appears to be a yoga chant] Thanks for bringing it back to what it's all about, my brother. It's just that the Monkees question, it comes at me constantly. That, and I have this itch I can't quite reach, and the rent's due, and I've got a squid beard, yadda yadda. Lots of stress. I'm sure you understand. Anyway, to answer your question- once you're a Pez dispenser, there's no going back. And to be honest, I wouldn't anyway. I mean, where's the joy in being the cursed captain of a ghost ship and scaring the pants off people? Isn't it much more fulfilling to put a smile on someone's face by giving them a brick or three of Pez candy? Now, am I going to stand here and tell you that once in a while, on a Friday night, I don't hang out with Vader Pez, Gargamel Pez, and Joker Pez, and trade stories about our wild days gone by? No, I can't say that. But I can say that at the end of the day, I also stand next to Tigger Pez, and SpongeBob Pez, and Miss Piggy Pez. We are together, we are a Pez collection, and that's the way, uh huh uh huh, I like it.

PM: I'm not going to lie, Davy Jones Pez, you've moved me to the verge of tears with that stirring speech. Well, that and I'm still a little scared from our earlier confrontation. But I'd like to end our time together on a positive note- with a little sea chanty, if you will. Would that be okay?

DJP: Arrrrrrr you kidding me? Bring it on, matey!

A Pezhead's Life For Me
To the tune of "A Pirate's Life For Me"
Copyright 2008 JoePez Publications

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