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Five Questions for Giant Indianapolis Colt Pez

Giant Colt Pez
Indianapolis Colt Pez tackles the tough issues of the day.

 

Pezhead Monthly: Giant Indianapolis Colt Pez, thank you for joining us. First off, a note of congratulations on your team winning the AFC conference and going to the Super Bowl for the first time ever. How does it feel to be a part of such an historic occasion?

Giant Indianapolis Colt Pez: Well, it's been a roller coaster ride, that's for sure. It seems like just yesterday that Giant Jacksonville Jaguar Pez kept knocking me over. I don't know who peed in his cornflakes, but eventually he left me alone and things got better. And now here we are at the big game. And as an added bonus, I am also part of the Pez family. That's a huge honor itself, I must say.

PM: And mad props for that as well. Speaking of which, I cannot help but notice that you are still in your package. It's a little disconcerting, I have to admit, since most Pezhead Monthly interviewees are free of their formerly packaged lives. So what's up with that?

GICP: You'll have to talk to my collector to get the answer to that one. While he's usually pretty good at setting his Pez free, every once in a

while he gets weird about it. There's also some eBay Pez a couple of shelves over that are in the same predicament. I'll tell you, it wouldn't bother me so much if my feet weren't so constrained. Every now and then I get cramps, but I'm a big, brawny football player, so I'm supposed to be a tough guy and walk it off. But I can't even do that, because I can't walk!

PM: I can sense your frustration, Giant Indianapolis Colt Pez, but try to think about your status as a collectible. Not only are you a Pez, which is something right there, but depending on how your team does in the big game, your dollar value as a collectible will surely soar. So you've got that going for you, right?

GICP: Well, I don't want to get off on a rant here, but when it comes to my "dollar value" it's kind of a moot point. I mean, look at the track record here. While my collector has a sterling track record of buying Pez, he has a rather woeful record of selling Pez. Heck, even if Peyton Manning himself signed my box, he still wouldn't sell me. But, come to think of it…you know what? I'm glad he holds on to me, and I wouldn't want to be sold off anyway. I like it here. There's plenty of fellow Pez to hang out with. I'm just sayin'.

PM: I catch your drift, man. Moving on to a less stressful subject, can you tell us a little bit about the long relationship that Pez has had with sports?

GICP: Oh sure. You know, Pez and sports go back almost as long as Ben Stiller and Owen Wilson. Back in the sixties, Pez came out with its first football player dispenser, along with the baseball glove. That's old school, you gotta respect that. Then in the 70s and 80s you had those fantastic Olympic dispensers. And in more recent times there have been a flurry of Pez dispenser promotions at all kinds of sporting events, not to mention the new Nascar and college football sets. No matter how you look at it, the combination of Pez and sports is a slam dunk. Or a home run, I suppose. I guess you could also consider it a touchdown. Perhaps a hole-in-one? Picking up the 7-10 split?

<panics>

How much longer do we have? I'm running out of sports metaphors!

PM: Not to fear, Giant Indianapolis Colt Pez. There's only one more question before the whistle blows on this interview. I'm just curious, will you be watching the Super Bowl for the game or the commercials?

GICP: Well of course I'm looking forward to cheering my team on, so I'll be watching the game. But I'll tell you what, those commercials are pretty fun too. And how cool would it be if there was a Pez commercial or two in between plays? They could even work in some of the patent numbers. Hut one, hut two! 3.9! 2.6! 5.9! Pez, Pez, Pez!


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