Chicken Little Pez gets moving, it's poultry in motion.
Monthly: Chicken Little Pez, you are one
of the three new Pez dispensers released in conjunction
with the Chicken
Little movie. I'd imagine all of this excitement must
be quite overwhelming for you, is that right?
Little Pez: Oh my god, you have no idea!
First they roll me off an assembly line, then they package
me, throw me in a box, ship me somewhere, and I am waiting,
like, forever until someone picks me up! And my buddy
Ugly Duckling Pez, they pick him up first, and I am thinking,
oh my God, they are never going to pick me, this is it,
this is the end, oh my, oh goodness.
At this point perhaps we should pause and remind our readers
that Chicken Little is a character in literature, and
now in cinema and on a Pez dispenser, who is known to
have a tendency to panic unnaturally about things. But
Chicken Little Pez, your life is pretty much made in the
shade, isn't it? What is there to panic about for you?
cow, you just don't understand! I'll give you another thing
I'm worried about: dogs. Okay, yeah, they're man's best friends
and all, but do you know the stress they put Pez dispensers
through? Every day that little furball comes over to the Pez
display and starts sniffing around. So far he hasn't snatched
any of us up, but that can happen anytime! My God! One minute
I'm standing proudly with my fellow Pez, the next I am in the
teeth of some mutt, getting carried to the backyard where he
will dig a hole, throw me in there, and then cover me up! Oh
no, I'm buried alive!!
Now I think that's somewhat--
I can't breathe! I can't breathe! Medic! Medic!!!
Chicken Little Pez, I really think you need to calm down. I'd
slap you to get you to snap out of it, but slapping Pez dispensers
goes against every fiber of my being. So instead, how about
you just take a few deep breaths?
(Breathes deeply several times) Thanks, I needed that. I suppose
I do have a tendency to blow things out of proportion. But can
you blame me? How would you feel if your livelihood depended
on someone 15 times your size offering your fruity goodness
to kids of all ages? Never knowing when he might stop by, unannounced?
You'd be a little intimidated, I'd wager.
Well, you raise a good point there. But perhaps the wonder of
it all comes from the spontaneity, never knowing when you'll
be called upon. Can't you envision a time when you will look
forward to being considered the Pez dispenser of choice?
It's what I dream of every night, my friend. Every single night.
But then after that dream comes the other one, the one where,
in reaching for me, my collector accidentally knocks me over,
sending me hurtling towards the hardwood floor, where my enormous
green spectacles meet their fate, where I go tumbling feet over
feathered head, where there's a horrendous explosion of plastic
and springs and fruity Pez candies and OH MY GOD HERE COMES
THAT DOG AGAIN SOMEBODY PLEASE SAVE ME I'M TOO YOUNG TO DIE!!!
to uphold his no-Pez dispenser-slapping credo, yet still very
much on edge, the Pezhead Monthly interviewer slaps himself
instead. Chicken Little Pez is so stunned that he immediately
Thanks... I needed that. Now that we both have cooler heads,
on to the final question. Chicken Little Pez, do you have any
hobbies that might allow you to have a calmer disposition?
Not yet, but I am thinking about starting to watch some of those
24-hour cable news networks. I figure that could really help
me stop being in such a constant state of panic.
to the Five Questions Archive