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Five Questions for Chicken Little Pez

When Chicken Little Pez gets moving, it's poultry in motion.


Pezhead Monthly: Chicken Little Pez, you are one of the three new Pez dispensers released in conjunction with the Chicken Little movie. I'd imagine all of this excitement must be quite overwhelming for you, is that right?

Chicken Little Pez: Oh my god, you have no idea! First they roll me off an assembly line, then they package me, throw me in a box, ship me somewhere, and I am waiting, like, forever until someone picks me up! And my buddy Ugly Duckling Pez, they pick him up first, and I am thinking, oh my God, they are never going to pick me, this is it, this is the end, oh my, oh goodness.

PM: At this point perhaps we should pause and remind our readers that Chicken Little is a character in literature, and now in cinema and on a Pez dispenser, who is known to have a tendency to panic unnaturally about things. But Chicken Little Pez, your life is pretty much made in the shade, isn't it? What is there to panic about for you?

CLP: Holy cow, you just don't understand! I'll give you another thing I'm worried about: dogs. Okay, yeah, they're man's best friends and all, but do you know the stress they put Pez dispensers through? Every day that little furball comes over to the Pez display and starts sniffing around. So far he hasn't snatched any of us up, but that can happen anytime! My God! One minute I'm standing proudly with my fellow Pez, the next I am in the teeth of some mutt, getting carried to the backyard where he will dig a hole, throw me in there, and then cover me up! Oh no, I'm buried alive!!

PM: Now I think that's somewhat--

CLP: I can't breathe! I can't breathe! Medic! Medic!!!

PM: Chicken Little Pez, I really think you need to calm down. I'd slap you to get you to snap out of it, but slapping Pez dispensers goes against every fiber of my being. So instead, how about you just take a few deep breaths?

CLP: (Breathes deeply several times) Thanks, I needed that. I suppose I do have a tendency to blow things out of proportion. But can you blame me? How would you feel if your livelihood depended on someone 15 times your size offering your fruity goodness to kids of all ages? Never knowing when he might stop by, unannounced? You'd be a little intimidated, I'd wager.

PM: Well, you raise a good point there. But perhaps the wonder of it all comes from the spontaneity, never knowing when you'll be called upon. Can't you envision a time when you will look forward to being considered the Pez dispenser of choice?

CLP: It's what I dream of every night, my friend. Every single night. But then after that dream comes the other one, the one where, in reaching for me, my collector accidentally knocks me over, sending me hurtling towards the hardwood floor, where my enormous green spectacles meet their fate, where I go tumbling feet over feathered head, where there's a horrendous explosion of plastic and springs and fruity Pez candies and OH MY GOD HERE COMES THAT DOG AGAIN SOMEBODY PLEASE SAVE ME I'M TOO YOUNG TO DIE!!!

(Determined to uphold his no-Pez dispenser-slapping credo, yet still very much on edge, the Pezhead Monthly interviewer slaps himself instead. Chicken Little Pez is so stunned that he immediately calms down.)

PM: Thanks... I needed that. Now that we both have cooler heads, on to the final question. Chicken Little Pez, do you have any hobbies that might allow you to have a calmer disposition?

CLP: Not yet, but I am thinking about starting to watch some of those 24-hour cable news networks. I figure that could really help me stop being in such a constant state of panic.

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