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Five
Questions for the Mrs. Claus Pez Dispenser top
of page | cover page
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Mrs.
Claus Pez, despite her grandmotherly charm, knows
17 unique ways to kill a man. Do not taunt Mrs. Claus
Pez.
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Pezhead
Monthly: Mrs. Claus Pez, thank you
very much for joining us. You have the honor of being
the newest Pez dispenser released, as well as the
latest addition to the ever-growing Christmas set.
What are your thoughts on this historic occasion?
Mrs.
Claus Pez: You know, to be honest I'm
still adjusting to the whole thing. I can't tell you
how much of a change it is to one day be married to
the man who brings toys to children all over the world,
and the next day, on top of that, to be a Pez dispenser.
One nice thing about the whole deal is that now I'll
actually get to ride with him on his travels. After
all, Pez dispensers make the perfect stocking stuffers,
and both Mr. Claus Pez and I will surely be going
to some good boys and girls this year!
PM:
Well, you've got that going for you, which is nice.
You mention your husband, who is of course otherwise
known as Santa Pez. Can you share something about
Santa Pez that only his wife would know?
MCP:
He'll
probably put me on the naughty list for saying this,
but he really is a terrible snorer. Lately he's gotten
really bad. I think it's the excitement of the season.
When he gets really bad I have to find a couple of
Pez candies and load him up in the middle of the night.
That always calms him down. But the way
he's been snoring lately, I'm not sure we have enough
Pez to last us through the month!
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PM:
Well I'll be darned. While we have you in gossip mode, do
you have any dirt on Reindeer Pez?
MCP:
No, he's a real sweetie. Although I hear that a few years
ago, he learned the hard way that just because Santa's reindeer
can fly, that doesn't mean reindeer Pez can fly. He was
in pretty rough shape there for a while. Fortunately, his
collector has a knack for repairing dispensers, so in a
few days Reindeer Pez was as good as gold.
PM:
Now that's what I call a happy ending. Turning back to you,
Mrs. Claus Pez, I must say that you look quite appropriate
for the holiday season. The Pez designers did quite a nice
job on you. How faithful is your design to your human likeness?
MCP:
Well now you are just flattering me. I can't say for sure,
but I understand that when it came time for the artist's rendering,
my human likeness had her hair done, and put on the bonnet
and pearls she got from Santa last Christmas. But when it
was all said and done, from what I hear anyway, I ended up
looking a little more like Barbara Bush than Mrs. Claus. But,
as the kids like to say, it's all good.
PM:
Truly fascinating, Mrs. Claus Pez. Finally, is there any
last-minute advice you can give to those boys and girls
who are, shall we say, teetering between the nice and naughty
lists?
MCP:
Why, certainly. For one, clean your room everyday and maybe
also take on some extra chores around the house for your
parents. Be nice to people you meet and if you don't have
anything nice to say, don't say it, or at least don't use
actual names if you need to blog about it. And if you get
the feeling that despite all your efforts you will still
be getting a lump of coal in your stocking, my best advice
is to start passing out Pez candy to everyone you meet.
Grape, lemon, cola, peppermint, it doesn't matter. If you
truly commit to sharing fruity goodness with anyone and
everyone, you'll be on that nice list in no time.
Pez
Poetry top
of page | cover page
Pez
Haiku #71
Six
hundred dollars
For a PS3? No way!
For a Pez, maybe.
Pez
Almost-Quote of the Month top
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"A
woman needs a man like a Pez needs a bicycle."
Petey
O'Jay top
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What
does Petey want for Christmas? Take a wild guess...
Table
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