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Five
Questions for the Chicken Little Pez Dispenser top
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When
Chicken Little Pez gets moving, it's poultry in motion.
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Pezhead
Monthly: Chicken Little Pez, you are
one of the three new Pez dispensers released in conjunction
with the Chicken
Little movie. I'd imagine all of this excitement
must be quite overwhelming for you, is that right?
Chicken
Little Pez: Oh my god, you have no
idea! First they roll me off an assembly line, then
they package me, throw me in a box, ship me somewhere,
and I am waiting, like, forever until someone picks
me up! And my buddy Ugly Duckling Pez, they pick him
up first, and I am thinking, oh my God, they are never
going to pick me, this is it, this is the end, oh
my, oh goodness.
PM:
At this point perhaps we should pause and remind our
readers that Chicken Little is a character in literature,
and now in cinema and on a Pez dispenser, who is known
to have a tendency to panic unnaturally about things.
But Chicken Little Pez, your life is pretty much made
in the shade, isn't it? What is there to panic about
for you?
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CLP:
Holy
cow, you just don't understand! I'll give you another thing
I'm worried about: dogs. Okay, yeah, they're man's best
friends and all, but do you know the stress they put Pez
dispensers through? Every day that little furball comes
over to the Pez display and starts sniffing around. So far
he hasn't snatched any of us up, but that can happen anytime!
My God! One minute I'm standing proudly with my fellow Pez,
the next I am in the teeth of some mutt, getting carried
to the backyard where he will dig a hole, throw me in there,
and then cover me up! Oh no, I'm buried alive!!
PM:
Now I think that's somewhat--
CLP:
I can't breathe! I can't breathe! Medic! Medic!!!
PM:
Chicken Little Pez, I really think you need to calm down.
I'd slap you to get you to snap out of it, but slapping
Pez dispensers goes against every fiber of my being. So
instead, how about you just take a few deep breaths?
CLP:
(Breathes deeply several times) Thanks, I needed that. I
suppose I do have a tendency to blow things out of proportion.
But can you blame me? How would you feel if your livelihood
depended on someone 15 times your size offering your fruity
goodness to kids of all ages? Never knowing when he might
stop by, unannounced? You'd be a little intimidated, I'd
wager.
PM:
Well, you raise a good point there. But perhaps the wonder
of it all comes from the spontaneity, never knowing when
you'll be called upon. Can't you envision a time when you
will look forward to being considered the Pez dispenser
of choice?
CLP:
It's what I dream of every night, my friend. Every single
night. But then after that dream comes the other one, the
one where, in reaching for me, my collector accidentally
knocks me over, sending me hurtling towards the hardwood
floor, where my enormous green spectacles meet their fate,
where I go tumbling feet over feathered head, where there's
a horrendous explosion of plastic and springs and fruity
Pez candies and OH MY GOD HERE COMES THAT DOG AGAIN SOMEBODY
PLEASE SAVE ME I'M TOO YOUNG TO DIE!!!
(Determined
to uphold his no-Pez dispenser-slapping credo, yet still
very much on edge, the Pezhead Monthly interviewer
slaps himself instead. Chicken Little Pez is so stunned
that he immediately calms down.)
PM:
Thanks... I needed that. Now that we both have cooler heads,
on to the final question. Chicken Little Pez, do you have
any hobbies that might allow you to have a calmer disposition?
CLP:
Not yet, but I am thinking about starting to watch some
of those 24-hour cable news networks. I figure that could
really help me stop being in such a constant state of panic.
Pez
Poetry top
of page | cover page
Pez
Haiku #59
Can
you hear me now?
Good. Now hang up your cell phone
And flip me some Pez.
November
First
Out
of shampoo, shaving gel,
On a work night, bloody hell,
So to that big store I know well,
In my car I quickly drive.
I get
the stuff I'm there to get,
And to the register I jet,
But something tells me "Don't go yet."
And so I pause on Aisle Five.
And
just beyond the books and mags,
Rows and rows of candy bags
Behind those oh so bright red tags.
Clearance candy? Man alive!
So much
sugar, where to start?
Throwing bags into my cart,
Nestles Crunches and SweetTarts,
But then I knew why I arrived.
I have
to say, there's things much worse
Than moments like this, unrehearsed,
And finding on November First,
Some forty-nine cent Pez, no jive.
I'm
not a guy who makes big plans,
But now I clearly understand:
December Twenty-Sixth demands
My presence, there at Aisle Five.
Pez
Almost-Quote of the Month top
of page | cover page
"Two
Pez dispensers diverged in the woods, and I took the one
less loaded. And that has made all the difference."
Cover and Table of Contents | Page
2 | Page 3
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