Spring Loaded: A Message from the Editor top of page | cover page

Welcome once again to the pages of Pezhead Monthly.

Although a somewhat slow month on the Pez collecting front, I did manage to pick up the Pez stocking stuffer and the first ever Pez Calendar, which is mighty cool, I must say.

This month's issue answers the question that seems to be on everyone's mind these days: what if Britney Spears was a Pez dispenser? You'll have to read on to find out. Also included is an exclusive Five Questions with the Dog Pez Magnet. Lastly, let's not forget the esteemed Pez Poetry and the Pez Almost-Quote.

Don't forget that it's never too late to submit (literally or figuratively) to a future issue of Pezhead Monthly. Have a happy and safe Thanksgiving, enjoy this issue, and see you next month!

Joe Durrant
Editor, Pezhead Monthly
joe@pezheadmonthly.com

If Britney Spears Was a Pez Dispenser top of page | cover page

Widely known for bringing teen pop music back to a level of popularity not reached since New Kids on the Block, Britney Spears is not a girl, not yet a woman... But what if she was a Pez dispenser? There's only one way to find out, and, Oops, Pezhead Monthly did it again. Herewith, an alternate reality starring Britney Spears Pez. 1981- Britney Spears Pez is born in Kentwood, Louisiana. While she doesn't have the nostalgic aspect that vintage Pez dispensers have, she does have a sleek new style that is instantly appealing. 1992- Britney Pez joins the Mickey Mouse Pez Club, and flexes her soon-to-be ultrafamous singing chords with the famous jingle, Who's the cool dispenser Who gives out a tasty treat? M-I-C-K-E-Y, he's a P-E-Z!

1999- Britney Pez hits it big with her debut album, "Flip Me Baby One More Time." The title track proves that she's quite the contender:

Flip Me Baby One More Time
To the tune of "Baby... One More Time"
Copyright 1999, 2004 JoePez Publications

Oh baby baby
You shouldn't have simply assumed
And acted so dismissing
Oh baby baby
I beg you, don't give up so soon,
You don't know what you're missing
Don't think that you're finished with me
Tilt me baby, yeah I got some more because

You loaded twelve and then dispensed
Eleven Pez to all your friends
So if you look inside I think you'll find
Something so fine-
Flip me baby one more time

Oh baby baby
I share all of me with you
It makes my life worth living.
Oh pretty baby
This last one, it's just for you,
So please take what I'm giving.
Don't think that you're finished with me
Tilt me baby, yeah I got some more because

You loaded twelve and then dispensed
Eleven Pez to all your friends
So if you look inside I think you'll find
Something so fine-
Flip me baby one more time

You loaded twelve and then dispensed (oh yeah)
Eleven Pez to all your friends (all your friends)
So if you look inside I think you'll find
Something so fine-
Flip me baby one more time!

2000- Facing unusually high speculatation that she has had cosmetic surgery, Britney Pez releases a statement saying "I'm a Pez dispenser. I was born plastic and I'll be plastic forever." Unfortunately, this does little to calm the rumor mill.

2000- Britney Pez scores a big hit with her second album, "Oops, I'm Empty Again." The title track is heard on radio stations and in Gap stores all over the world:

Oops, I'm Empty Again
To the tune of "Oops... I Did It Again"
Copyright 2000, 2004 JoePez Publications

Yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah
Yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah

I think I'm empty again
I really believed it never would end
Oh baby
I might seem full of pride
But that doesn't mean there's more Pez inside.
'Cause to lose all my Pez, yes,
That is just so typically me.
Oh baby, baby

Oops! ...I'm empty again
The Pez just comes out more than it comes in
Oh baby baby
Oops! …It's the end of the road,
You'll just have to reload,
I'm not Pez permanent.

You see the problem is this
It's hard not to share-
When you give a Pez, you give some bliss
I cry, when I'm tilted back
And there's nothing left of that candy pack
'Cause to lose all my Pez, yes,
That is just so typically me.
Oh baby, baby

Oops! ...I'm empty again
The Pez just comes out more than it comes in
Oh baby baby
Oops! …It's the end of the road,
You'll just have to reload,
I'm not Pez permanent!

Oops! ...I'm empty again
The Pez just comes out more than it comes in
Oh baby baby
Oops! …It's the end of the road,
You'll just have to reload,
I'm not Pez permanent!

2002- Britney Pez's first foray into the world of Cinema, "Dispenser Crossroads," fizzles at the box office. However, she remains hugely popular on eBay and at Pez conventions around the country.

2002- Britney Pez parts ways with her longtime boyfriend, Justin Timberlake Pez. He was faced with a tough choice- either break up with Britney Pez, or break up the collector's edition N'Sync Pez dispenser set. What would you do?

2004- Just 55 hours after getting married to Jason Alexander Pez, Britney Pez has her marriage annulled. It was alleged that she caught him carrying on with a Smarties candy dispenser. Who's the Smartie now, buddy? Huh?

2004- Britney Pez injures her stem during a video shoot. Fortunately she is repaired by a knowledgeable Pezhead and all is right with the world once again.

Other What Ifs...
Hall and Oates as Pez Dispensers
John Lennon as a Pez Dispenser
Kenny Rogers as a Pez Dispenser
Elvis as a Pez Dispenser