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Five
Questions for the Headless Pez Dispenser
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of page | cover page
Pezhead
Monthly:
It's certainly awkward to be speaking with a headless Pez
dispenser. Can you tell us what life is like for you?
Headless
Pez: I get that a lot, actually, the thing
about how it feels to not have a head. And I won't lie to
you, life can be hard at times. You never realize how valuable
a head is until it's gone.
PM:
If you feel up to it, can you describe the day this horrible
event happened?
The Headless Pez Dispenser has not
had an easy life.
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HP:
I'll give it a shot. I was just standing there with
all the other dispensers, when my collector's little
brother came up to the display case. He peered over
the entire collection, but his eyes finally fixated
on me. I don't know why he chose me, maybe it was the
way my paint reflected in the light. But he picked me
up and started playing with me, pulling my sleeve out
of its stem. Well, one thing led to another, and, you
know, boys will be boys, and the next thing I knew he
snapped my head off with one big yank, and then he began
crying quite loudly, because he knew he was in trouble.
Obviously, I was in a little bit of trouble myself.
Yep, that was a rough day for me.
PM:
Was there anything that happened that day that gave
you joy, despite this tragedy?
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HP:
Well, yes. The boy got a heck of a spanking, and he's not
even allowed in the same room as me anymore. Even though
I was decapitated, I had to smile.
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PM:
It is certainly important to look on the bright side,
especially in such dire circumstances. What would
be your chief complaint about not having a head?
HP:
Oh, that's an easy one. Because I am not blessed with
a character head such as Snoopy, Kermit, or Yoda,
or any head for that matter, I am doomed to roam the
countryside and haunt innocent passersby for all eternity
with a pumpkin in my hand. To make matters worse,
because I'm just a four-inch piece of plastic, I don't
even get the joy of scaring the pants off of anybody.
PM:
It sounds like you just can't win. It all must be
enough to make you lose your head, I'd imagine?
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Not having the privelege of a head,
the Headless Pez is cursed to haunt innocent passersby
for all eternity with pumpkin in hand. |
HP: I'm not even going to dignify that with
a response.
The
Pez Almost-Quote of the Month
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page
Special
horror movie edition
"All
work and no Pez makes Jack a dull boy.
All work and no Pez makes Jack a dull boy.
All work and no Pez makes Jack a dull boy."
Lesser
Candy Epitaphs
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of page | cover page
In
the cemetery of fallen candies, many stories can be told.
Herewith, just a few…
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Here
lies Snickers,
Unsatisfied,
It couldn't top Pez,
But, hey, it tried.
Here
lies Mentos,
Once the Freshmaker,
'Till Pez called out
The undertaker.
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Here
lies 100 Grand,
Rich in name,
But unlike Pez,
It got no game.
Here
lies Skittles,
A rainbow of fruit flavors,
But when compared to Pez,
Alas, 'tis graver.
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