Five
Questions for the Darth Vader Pez Dispenser top
of page | cover page
Pezhead
Monthly:
Darth Pez, when people think of Pez candy and dispensers,
they usually think of youth, innocence, and fun. And yet
you have a nasty reputation as quite a ruthless and evil
villain. How do you compromise your dark nature with the
light and wonder that is Pez Candy?
Darth
Pez:
I won't lie to you, it's a daily struggle. Whether
I'm telekinetically choking an insubordinate officer
or urging my children to join the Dark Side, I always
have to weigh that with the responsibility of being
a Pez dispenser. Plus, you know, it's hard being
the Dark Lord of the Empire when you're four inches
tall and able to dispense fruity candy to kids of
all ages.
PM:
You
mention your children. How are Luke and Leia doing
these days?
DP:
Oh,
those little rascals. They're fine. I have to admit
it's a little disappointing that they won't embrace
the evil I know they're so
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Darth Vader Pez and his children,
Luke Pez and Leia Pez, pose for a rare family photo.
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capable of. I guess that's what happens when you're
not involved with your children from an early age. |
PM:
Along
those lines of feeling guilty, do you harbor any regrets
about turning your former mentor, Obi Wan Kenobi, into Jedi
dust a few years back?
Darth Pez is held in high regard by his employees,
partially because of his charismatic leadership style
and partially because of his tendency to kill those
who question his authority.
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DP:
In
my defense, I think you've only heard one side of
that story. True, he did train me in the ways of
the Force, and true, I pretty much betrayed him
in every possible way, but in his old age he got
ornery and unpleasant to spend time with. One time
he secretly taped a sign on my cape saying "Chrome
Dome." It took weeks to get my personal Stormtrooper
assistants to stop laughing at that. Granted, I
had them all killed, but the pain that old man caused
me never went away. (Pauses)
Besides,
I don't see Obi Wan Kenobi immortalized on a Pez
dispenser, do you?
PM:
Point taken. Do you ever feel like you're giving
up your power when you let somebody load you with
candy and then pass it out for themselves or others
to eat?
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DP:
(Hhhh-perrrrr)
I am always in control of my destiny, for they are weak-minded
in their innocence and their need for a sugar fix. It was
I who called to them when they were in the candy aisle or
the checkout line. It was I who used my Jedi powers to tell
them, "Give in to your urge for Pez, it is useless
to resist. Join me and we will rule the world together,
as dispenser and collector."
PM:
You've
put together an enormous army of trained soldiers, you've
struck fear in people around the universe, and you are one
of the coolest Pez dispensers ever. What lies ahead for
you?
DP:
I'm
going to Disneyworld!
The
Month In Pez
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page
What's
happening this month?
Some
September Birthdays...
- Buddy
Holly, Sept 7: If you knew Pezzy Sue, then you'll
know why I feel blue without Pezzy, my Pezzy Sue
- Stephen
King, Sept. 21: He'll make you very afraid of the
dark, but on the upside this will give you a chance
to keep your Pez collection well lit.
This
Month in Pez History
- September
6, 1966: The television program Star Trek premieres
in the United States. Dammit Jim, I'm a Pezhead, not
a doctor! Beam me up, Pezzy!
- September
30, 1955: Teen-idol actor James Dean is killed in
a car crash. Live fast and die young? I'd rather live
slow and die old, if it means having more Pez
Pez
Almost-Quote of the Month
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page
"Mr.
Gorbachev, tear open this Pez wrapper."
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