One
Too Many Questions for the Stella Skunk Pez Dispenser top
of page | cover page
Everything's
coming up roses for Stella Skunk Pez. |
Pezhead
Monthly: Thanks for joining us, Stella
Skunk. You are part of the new "Over The Hedge"
set, and the first ever skunk to grace a Pez dispenser.
What is your favorite sandwich?
Stella
Skunk Pez: Um
well, I don't know.
I guess ham on rye, maybe turkey on whole wheat? The
veggie club isn't so bad, I guess.
PM:
Wrongo! It's a peanut butter and smelly sandwich!
Because you're a skunk, get it? Ahahahaha! Okay, seriously,
back to the questions. You'd have thought that with
all its other characters, Warner Brothers would have
released a Pepe le Pew dispenser back in tha day,
but alas, they did not. So here's my question. What
did the judge say when you walked into the courtroom?
SSP:
Courtroom? Well, I have never been
involved in any legal matters, so I don't know what
you are talking about here. I mean, I...
|
PM:
The judge said "Odor in the court!" Get
it? Because skunks have odor! Oh, man. Somebody stop me!
Okay, sorry. Let me get a hold of myself. Okay, here goes.
Stella Skunk Pez, along with your fellow "Over The
Hedge" dispensers, you have such a unique design, indicating
positive signs ahead for future dispensers. So, let me ask
you this: what do you call a flying skunk?
SSP:
Well, I really don't--
PM:
A smellicopter! Oh, ha ha ha ha ha!!! Oh my god.
That was great. That was just great. Okay
I can see
you are getting a little angry here, although I can't understand
why. So let me get right to the chase- I get the feeling
that I've interviewed you before. But I am having difficulty
finding the right word for this feeling. Can you help?
SSP:
Well why don't you just tell me, genius?
PM:
It was "deja phew!" HA HA HA HA HA HA!
I don't think I can take it anymore! So I think we'd better
wrap this one up. Finally, Stella Skunk Pez, what do you
think Marlon Brando would have said if he had ever met you?
SSP:
Let me guess
"Stella! STELLA!!!"
That's it, isn't it? Okay, I think I've had just about enough.
Now it's my turn. What did the wiseguy, pain-in-the-butt
interviewer say when he realized he had asked one too many
questions?
PM:
Thanks for joining us, Stella Skunk. I
uh
have
to make a phone call. Say, can I borrow your smellular
phone?
(Interviewer
giggles like a schoolgirl, then suddenly gets sprayed by
Stella Skunk Pez.)
PM:
(through a barrage of tears, running away in a mad panic,
looking for a tub of tomato juice to dive in) I thought
you were kidding! Oh no! What have you done?!?! Oh my god,
no!!!
SSP:
Yeah, I thought so.
(Editor's
Note: No interviewers or Stella Skunk Pez dispensers
were harmed in the making of this interview. Also, it should
be noted that Stella Skunk Pez does not actually smell like
a skunk. I mean, that would really stink.)
Pez
Poetry top
of page | cover page
Traffic
Fantastic
Stuck
in traffic, driving home,
Looking at those orange cones,
All lined up so endlessly,
An image so uncool to me.
But
then I gave another thought
To the image these cones brought.
Instead of making me despair,
I realized that more was there.
They
stood in line so very neat,
Each supported by their feet,
Much like the items on my shelf
That I had placed all by myself.
No longer
cones, they were Pez stems,
Orange, every one of them,
Funky Faces, Crocodile,
Ninja Turtles with such style.
Big
Bird's by the exit ramp,
Muselix, now he's a champ.
Luke Skywalker, whoop whoop whoop!
And, quite fittingly, there's a Scoop.
Crystal
Pumpkin, Sally Car,
Cool Mickey, hey there you are!
And then there's Lucy, what a pleasure,
And some Garfields for good measure.
A honking
horn, a vulgar shout,
Awoke me from this detoured route.
The road ahead was now made clear,
And no more orange cones, I feared!
'Til
the last cone, my car did crawl,
For I just had to see them all.
So if you were behind me, man,
I hope that now you'll understand.
Pez
Haiku #63
O Brangelina,
Your charity knows no bounds.
So how 'bout some Pez?
Pez
Almost-Quote of the Month top
of page | cover page
"I
wish I knew how to quit Pez."
Cover and Table of Contents | Page
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