Spring
Loaded: A Message from the Editor top
of page | cover page
I'll
keep this month's column short due to the volume of content
in this issue of Pezhead Monthly, but it must at
least be said that there is a feeling of celebration in
the air.
What's
there to celebrate, you ask? Well, there's plenty. For starters,
there's the Independence Day holiday here in the US, a day
for us to reflect on how wonderful it is to live in a free
country. Also, this month we celebrate 50 years of Pez.
Of course, with Pez the party never ends, but it will be
kicked up a few notches regardless, what with Pezamania
12 set to roll and a few sports promotions to boot.
And,
it needs to be said, it's also time to celebrate the final
issue of Pezhead Monthly, Volume 1. Twelve issues
have gone to print, and this newsletter has only gotten
more and more fun to put together. This month is no different.
The feature story is a sampling of entries from the diary
of Barney Rubble Pez, detailing the struggles and successes
he underwent in his recent move to a new home. Also featured
in this issue is a Pezhead Monthly exclusive interview
with Super Mario Pez. I have been trying to land an interview
with Super Mario Pez for quite some time now, and am quite
overjoyed that it has finally happened. Rounding out this
issue is some more Pez Poetry and that nefarious Pez Almost-Quote
of the Month.
As I
wrap up the first year of Pezhead Monthly, I can
only look ahead to more good times. And with Pezamania 12
on the horizon and a new Pez display in the works here at
home, things can only get better.
Take
care, and see you next month.
Joe
Durrant
Editor, Pezhead Monthly
joe@pezheadmonthly.com
Excerpts
from the Diary of a Pez Dispenser on the Move
top of page | cover
page
Behind the smile, Barney Rubble Pez is in a world of
confusion. |
What
goes through the mind of a Pez dispenser when it is
boxed up and moved to new surroundings? How does it
process and cope with what's going on? The following
entries are taken from the diary of Barney Rubble
Pez, concerning the events of his recent move. They
chronicle his path from confusion to terror to sheer
delight.
June
1, 2002
Dear
Diary,
Today
I noticed that my collector is bringing home some
boxes. It's not really that unusual, I suppose, but
he also seems to be spending a lot of time looking
over all of his collection, almost as if he is planning
something big, as if he's planning on putting us in
those boxes. But why would he be doing this? What
could be going on here?
|
They
say that curiosity killed the cat. I wonder what it does
for the Pez dispenser.
Confusedly
Yours,
Barney Rubble Pez
June 4, 2002
Dear
Diary,
Okay,
now something weird is definitely going on. I closed my
eyes for my typical afternoon Pez nap, and when I awoke,
my good friend Fred Flintstone Pez was gone. I don't mean
that he stepped out for a minute, or that he was put in
a more prominent area of the Pez display, but he just vanished!
Yikes!
Now,
Fred has been known to be the occasional prankster. He sometimes
deliberately jams up, just to see the look on my collector's
face. But it's been several hours since Fred disappeared,
and I'm beginning to think this isn't a joke. Plus, the
entire Simpsons set is gone, as are all the Ninja Turtles.
To make
matters even worse, I am noticing that my collector has
started to label the boxes "Pez Box 1," "Pez
Box 2," etc. Has he turned from pleasant, affable Pez
collector to vile, cold-blooded Pez assassin, taking out
my brothers and sisters one by one?
Call
me paranoid, but I get the feeling I'm next. Breathe, Barney,
breathe.
Worriedly
Yours,
Barney Rubble Pez
June 5, 2002
Dear
Diary,
Everything
went black today, and it is but for the grace of the Dinosaur
Pez Flashlight that I am able to compose today's entry.
When
my collector took me off the shelf for what I thought
was going to be a typical yet glorious loading, dispensing,
and reloading session, it turned into a nightmare. First
he wraps me in this paper towel, and then he carries
me across the room and places me in this dark box- labeled
"Pez Box 4"!!! I was silent for a few moments,
because, you know, it's a very disturbing experience,
but I soon realized that I was lying atop
20,
30, maybe 50 other dispensers! Was I the latest victim?
Why me? Why any Pez dispenser in the first place? We're
harmless pieces of plastic, you know! |
|
From
the darkness of this moving box, Barney Rubble Pez composes
his thoughts.
|
After
crying and convulsing for several hours, I began to realize
that I was still alive. In fact, we were all still alive.
I don't think any of us are even broken. But even if we
are all still in good condition, we are still prisoners
here. What does he plan to do with us? Interrogation? Torture?
Garage sale?
It's
dark, I'm scared, and Dinosaur Pez Flashlight's battery
power is starting to fade. Truly, these are the times that
try Pez dispensers' souls.
Terrifyingly
Yours,
Barney Rubble Pez
June 7, 2002
Dear
Diary,
Something
big happened today. I didn't see it, but I felt it. This
box, this tomb of living Pez dispensers, was picked up and
carried down a flight of stairs. I presume it was my collector
who was carrying it, but truth be told I have no idea. Then,
the sound of a car door opening. The box was set down, I
assume in the car. It was considerably hot and it smelled
like dog. Then, a few minutes later, the sound of another
box being placed next to this one. And then one on the other
side. And then another on top! I think it was at that moment
I realized just how claustrophobic I am. Was this to be
my fate? Buried in a mountain of Pez boxes? The horror,
the horror!
As I
write this entry, the engine is starting. I don't know where
I am going, or what will become of me once I arrive there.
If I do end up going to that great Pez display in the sky,
please tell Fred Flintstone Pez, Pebbles Pez, and Dino Pez
that I love them, and that I am infinitely sorry for breaking
up the Flintstones Pez set.
May
my end not be in vain. Pez will endure, of this I am sure.
Uncomfortably
Yours,
Barney Rubble Pez
June 8, 2002
Dear
Diary,
In retrospect,
it seems that my recent entries have been a bit dramatic.
Rest assured that I am alive and in quite good spirits.
The
box was taken out of the car and put down somewhere else,
from where I compose today's entry. I am not sure where
I am now, but it smells less like dog and more like fresh
paint. Being a product of plastic, metal, and paint myself,
I must admit it's a pleasant smell.
And
along with this pleasant smell, I heard a pleasant sound.
It was the voice of my collector, introducing people to
this room, which will soon house a bigger, better display
for his Pez collection! What wondrous music to my ears!
He went on to say that he had put all of his Pez in eight
separate boxes, and that he even put together a spreadsheet
to make sure that he knew which Pez items were in which
box.
I should
have known better than to doubt him. This is the same guy
who put me on a shelf for all the world to see, the one
who loaded me up with grape, lemon, orange, strawberry,
and even cola Pez candy, and the one who shared me with
so many people.
Even
though this box is dark, and the Dinosaur Pez Flashlight
is now in desperate need of new batteries, the future is
incredibly bright. Soon my good buddy Fred and I will be
together again, along with our ever-growing Pez family,
for all to see, tilt, load, dispense, and experience.
Here's
to old friends, new beginnings, and candy-filled puppets.
Joyfully
Yours,
Barney Rubble Pez
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