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Pezhead Monthly
July 2002

Cover and Table of Contents | Page 2 | Page 3

Spring Loaded: A Message from the Editor top of page | cover page

I'll keep this month's column short due to the volume of content in this issue of Pezhead Monthly, but it must at least be said that there is a feeling of celebration in the air.

What's there to celebrate, you ask? Well, there's plenty. For starters, there's the Independence Day holiday here in the US, a day for us to reflect on how wonderful it is to live in a free country. Also, this month we celebrate 50 years of Pez. Of course, with Pez the party never ends, but it will be kicked up a few notches regardless, what with Pezamania 12 set to roll and a few sports promotions to boot.

And, it needs to be said, it's also time to celebrate the final issue of Pezhead Monthly, Volume 1. Twelve issues have gone to print, and this newsletter has only gotten more and more fun to put together. This month is no different. The feature story is a sampling of entries from the diary of Barney Rubble Pez, detailing the struggles and successes he underwent in his recent move to a new home. Also featured in this issue is a Pezhead Monthly exclusive interview with Super Mario Pez. I have been trying to land an interview with Super Mario Pez for quite some time now, and am quite overjoyed that it has finally happened. Rounding out this issue is some more Pez Poetry and that nefarious Pez Almost-Quote of the Month.

As I wrap up the first year of Pezhead Monthly, I can only look ahead to more good times. And with Pezamania 12 on the horizon and a new Pez display in the works here at home, things can only get better.

Take care, and see you next month.

Joe Durrant
Editor, Pezhead Monthly
joe@pezheadmonthly.com

 

Excerpts from the Diary of a Pez Dispenser on the Move top of page | cover page

Barney Rubble Pez
Behind the smile, Barney Rubble Pez is in a world of confusion.

What goes through the mind of a Pez dispenser when it is boxed up and moved to new surroundings? How does it process and cope with what's going on? The following entries are taken from the diary of Barney Rubble Pez, concerning the events of his recent move. They chronicle his path from confusion to terror to sheer delight.


June 1, 2002

Dear Diary,

Today I noticed that my collector is bringing home some boxes. It's not really that unusual, I suppose, but he also seems to be spending a lot of time looking over all of his collection, almost as if he is planning something big, as if he's planning on putting us in those boxes. But why would he be doing this? What could be going on here?

They say that curiosity killed the cat. I wonder what it does for the Pez dispenser.

Confusedly Yours,
Barney Rubble Pez


June 4, 2002

Dear Diary,

Okay, now something weird is definitely going on. I closed my eyes for my typical afternoon Pez nap, and when I awoke, my good friend Fred Flintstone Pez was gone. I don't mean that he stepped out for a minute, or that he was put in a more prominent area of the Pez display, but he just vanished! Yikes!

Now, Fred has been known to be the occasional prankster. He sometimes deliberately jams up, just to see the look on my collector's face. But it's been several hours since Fred disappeared, and I'm beginning to think this isn't a joke. Plus, the entire Simpsons set is gone, as are all the Ninja Turtles.

To make matters even worse, I am noticing that my collector has started to label the boxes "Pez Box 1," "Pez Box 2," etc. Has he turned from pleasant, affable Pez collector to vile, cold-blooded Pez assassin, taking out my brothers and sisters one by one?

Call me paranoid, but I get the feeling I'm next. Breathe, Barney, breathe.

Worriedly Yours,
Barney Rubble Pez


June 5, 2002

Dear Diary,

Everything went black today, and it is but for the grace of the Dinosaur Pez Flashlight that I am able to compose today's entry.

When my collector took me off the shelf for what I thought was going to be a typical yet glorious loading, dispensing, and reloading session, it turned into a nightmare. First he wraps me in this paper towel, and then he carries me across the room and places me in this dark box- labeled "Pez Box 4"!!! I was silent for a few moments, because, you know, it's a very disturbing experience, but I soon realized that I was lying atop… 20, 30, maybe 50 other dispensers! Was I the latest victim? Why me? Why any Pez dispenser in the first place? We're harmless pieces of plastic, you know!   Barney Rubble Pez composes his thoughts.
From the darkness of this moving box, Barney Rubble Pez composes his thoughts.

After crying and convulsing for several hours, I began to realize that I was still alive. In fact, we were all still alive. I don't think any of us are even broken. But even if we are all still in good condition, we are still prisoners here. What does he plan to do with us? Interrogation? Torture? Garage sale?

It's dark, I'm scared, and Dinosaur Pez Flashlight's battery power is starting to fade. Truly, these are the times that try Pez dispensers' souls.

Terrifyingly Yours,
Barney Rubble Pez


June 7, 2002

Dear Diary,

Something big happened today. I didn't see it, but I felt it. This box, this tomb of living Pez dispensers, was picked up and carried down a flight of stairs. I presume it was my collector who was carrying it, but truth be told I have no idea. Then, the sound of a car door opening. The box was set down, I assume in the car. It was considerably hot and it smelled like dog. Then, a few minutes later, the sound of another box being placed next to this one. And then one on the other side. And then another on top! I think it was at that moment I realized just how claustrophobic I am. Was this to be my fate? Buried in a mountain of Pez boxes? The horror, the horror!

As I write this entry, the engine is starting. I don't know where I am going, or what will become of me once I arrive there. If I do end up going to that great Pez display in the sky, please tell Fred Flintstone Pez, Pebbles Pez, and Dino Pez that I love them, and that I am infinitely sorry for breaking up the Flintstones Pez set.

May my end not be in vain. Pez will endure, of this I am sure.

Uncomfortably Yours,
Barney Rubble Pez


June 8, 2002

Dear Diary,

In retrospect, it seems that my recent entries have been a bit dramatic. Rest assured that I am alive and in quite good spirits.

The box was taken out of the car and put down somewhere else, from where I compose today's entry. I am not sure where I am now, but it smells less like dog and more like fresh paint. Being a product of plastic, metal, and paint myself, I must admit it's a pleasant smell.

And along with this pleasant smell, I heard a pleasant sound. It was the voice of my collector, introducing people to this room, which will soon house a bigger, better display for his Pez collection! What wondrous music to my ears! He went on to say that he had put all of his Pez in eight separate boxes, and that he even put together a spreadsheet to make sure that he knew which Pez items were in which box.

I should have known better than to doubt him. This is the same guy who put me on a shelf for all the world to see, the one who loaded me up with grape, lemon, orange, strawberry, and even cola Pez candy, and the one who shared me with so many people.

Even though this box is dark, and the Dinosaur Pez Flashlight is now in desperate need of new batteries, the future is incredibly bright. Soon my good buddy Fred and I will be together again, along with our ever-growing Pez family, for all to see, tilt, load, dispense, and experience.

Here's to old friends, new beginnings, and candy-filled puppets.

Joyfully Yours,
Barney Rubble Pez



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