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Spring Loaded: A Message from the Editor top of page | cover page

Here we are, already into the tenth issue of Pezhead Monthly, and the train just keeps on rollin'. I was quite thrilled by last month's Pez Poetry Slam, and I again thank Lori Smith and Ron Scott for their contributions. This month I'm proud to offer Pezhead Monthly's first medical article, presented by our esteemed health correspondent, Dr. Pez. Also in this issue is an imagined world where Kenny Rogers is a Pez dispenser, along with five questions for the Wal-Mart Smiley Face Pez and, of course, some more Pez Poetry and the notorious Almost-Quote of the Month.

On the personal Pez collecting front, April was a busy month for me. I acquired the new Big-Head Spider-Man Pez- just in time for the movie- as well as the Johnny Lightning Pez Van and, I am extremely proud to announce, a very well made fantasy dispenser of SpongeBob SquarePants.

Finally, if you haven't had a chance to check out the Pezhead Monthly Web site, www.pezheadmonthly.com, it is worth a few minutes of your time. In addition to this issue and all previous issues being online, I have recently unveiled a list of my collection, a new archive of all the Pez Haikus featured in Pezhead Monthly, and the one and only Pez Fortune Dispenser.

As always, comments and questions are welcome at joe@pezheadmonthly.com. Also, feel free to send along any submission ideas you may have for future issues.

Keep the Pez alive, and I'll see you next month…

Joe Durrant
Editor, Pezhead Monthly
joe@pezheadmonthly.com

Dr. Pez Presents: The Five Stages of Pez Dispensing top of page | cover page

(Ed. Note: while Pezhead Monthly does not fancy itself a medical journal, every now and then important Pez health issues arise. As you will read, our medical correspondent, Dr. Pez, has his finger on the pulse of Pez health.)

Dr. Pez dispenses some wisdom.

While the act of sharing Pez is a wonderful and glorious thing, it's rare that one ever stops to consider the perspective of the Pez dispenser in this process. In fact, it's very hard for a Pez dispenser to part with one of its Pez candies. Something that delicious is not so easily forgotten. But there are stages to every Pez candy loss, and thus hope for every aching dispenser out there. STAGE ONE: DENIAL This is the stage where a Pez dispenser talks itself into believing that it will never experience the loss of Pez candy: "Here I sit, fully loaded. I don't have a care in the world, because I am filled with Pez. What's more, although a lot of my fellow dispensers seem to have lost candy at some point recently, I've got a full cartridge. Oh, here comes my collector now… but I'm sure he's not coming for my Pez, so I've got nothing to worry about."

STAGE TWO: ANGER

In this next stage, the dispenser realizes that one or more of its Pez candies have been taken away, and it is not happy:

"Hey, what are you doing, jerk?!?! There I was, perched on this nice quiet shelf, when you have the nerve to tilt my head back and take fruity candy without any warning. That was mine, you fool! How do you justify that? How?!?!"

STAGE THREE: BARGAINING

After a brief period of anger, the Pez dispenser tries its best to work out a deal to get its prized Pez candy back. Desperate pleas escape for a return to the way things used to be:

"Okay… please, man… just give me back the Pez candy, because it fits so well in my sleeve, you know, that's where it was meant to be. I promise I'll be a good dispenser. Just bring back the Pez and we'll call it a day. Sound like a deal?"

STAGE FOUR: DEPRESSION

Soon after realizing that no amount of bargaining can bring back the candy it has lost, the Pez dispenser starts to feel helpless and very sad:

"I am a shell of my former self without that delicious Pez candy inside of me. I have no control over how or when someone will take my candy away. I am in effect doomed to a life of giving away parts of me. I am but a puppet to a cold, unfeeling, hand-shaped puppetmaster. Woe is me."


STAGE FIVE: ACCEPTANCE

Finally, after denying, angering, bargaining, and depressing over its loss, the Pez dispenser reaches the final stage, acceptance, in which it learns to let go and to appreciate the harmony that the candy brought to it, and the promise of more Pez moments on the horizon:

"I know now that I'll never get that fruity candy back. It has gone on and is probably being digested in a little kid's stomach as I speak. But man, we had some good times together. And, the wonderful thing is that just as I lost one Pez, I will eventually gain another. Such is the circle of Pez dispensing. It is a beautiful circle. And, Pez candy or no Pez candy, I still look good on a shelf."

This process is further complicated when a series of Pez candies are dispensed one after the other. Also, think of the agony that the Power Pez and the classic Pez guns feel when the candies are not only dispensed, but literally shot out of them. While it would be calming to state that this process gets easier over time, the truth is it never does.

However, sharing Pez is a natural and important thing. This should not be stopped. Keep on spreading joy to others by offering to flip them a Pez. But every once in a while, stop and consider what your dispenser is going through. Feel its pain. And know that the only way to ease that pain is to load it back up again. By doing this, you are doing your part in completing the circle of Pez dispensing.

Pez Always Heals,

Do you have a question relating to Pez health? If so, please e-mail Dr. Pez at drpez@pezheadmonthly.com.

Pez Almost-Quote of the Month top of page | cover page

"Let there be Pez on earth, and let it begin with me."