Spring Loaded: A Message from the Editor top of page | cover page

Welcome once again to the pages of Pezhead Monthly, the world's pretty much only monthly newsletter that pays literary tribute to Pez.

Life has been somewhat hectic lately, but I have found time to score some really great Pez finds. Recently I came across the new Easter set, as well as the new Hulk Pez keychain and Simpsons Pez party favors. Two of the more unusual items I have just added to my collection are some Pez pajama pants (found at trusty Wal-Mart and, may I say, quite comfy) and a neat figure by the band Less Than Jake, which celebrates Pez in a very cool way.

Speaking of celebrating Pez, this issue of Pezhead Monthly does just that. We first imagine a world in which rockers Hall and Oates were Pez dispensers. Then, in an exclusive scoop that would make Diane Sawyer's head spin, we land Egg Baby Pez (of the new Easter set) for the Five Questions. Rounding out this issue is some Pez Poetry and the Pez Almost-Quote of the Month.

Lastly, here's another reminder that submissions are being accepted for the 2004 Pez Poetry Slam, happening in the May issue this year. Click here for some details.

Take care and see you next month!

Joe Durrant
Editor, Pezhead Monthly
joe@pezheadmonthly.com

If Hall and Oates Were Pez Dispensers top of page | cover page

We all know Hall and Oates from their extensive collection of soulful and funky hits in the 1980s. But how would things have been different if this legendary rock n' roll duo had been Pez dispensers? While we can never know for sure, Pezhead Monthly asks the question "What if?" and comes up with a few startling answers. Hall and Oates Pez: A Brief History 1967 Daryl Hall Pez and John Oates Pez meet up in Pennsylvania. As with many other Pez stories, this one begins at a college.

Hall and Oates Pez release their first album. They are fully loaded and ready to dispense their music to millions of listeners.

1975

Their ballad "Sara Pez Smile" is the first to crack the Top Ten in the United States. It is written for Hall Pez's girlfriend, who he describes in many interviews as "mint" and "carded."

1980

The decade of Hall and Oates Pez officially begins. Pezheads collectively shout, Bring it on!

1997

The Oates B Pez dispenser makes its debut, causing Pezheads everywhere to erupt in a fit of glee with the prospect of having another fantastic Pez in their collection.

Hall and Oates Pez: The Songs

Pirate Pez
To the tune of "Private Eyes"
Copyright 2004 JoePez Publications

I log on and then I see
The coolest dispenser in of all history
Oh dude, you’ve got some nerve
Putting that Pez on such a high reserve
But listen to what my mouth says,
I will not be denied

Pirate Pez (ch)
I’m watching you (ch ch)
I’m gonna place highest bid
Pirate Pez (ch)
I’m watching you (ch ch)
Pirate Pez
I’m watching you watching you watching you

You’re painted red, you look so fine,
You’re struttin’ your stuff with US Patent 3.9
And I, I’ll bid till I’m poor
To the victor goes the spoils of this auction war
Hold on tight, I’ll give it my best,
I’m not gonna lose you

Pirate Pez (ch)
I’m watching you (ch ch)
I’m gonna place highest bid
Pirate Pez (ch)
I’m watching you (ch ch)
Pirate Pez
I’m watching you watching you watching you

Why you tempt me with that eye patch,
It’s plain to see that you and I are bound to match
I know things right now are kind of a mess,
But you know I won’t give up, my

Pirate Pez (ch)
I’m watching you (ch ch)
I’m gonna place highest bid
Pirate Pez (ch)
I’m watching you (ch ch)
Pirate Pez
I’m watching you watching you watching you

Flick in the Wrist
To the tune of "Kiss on my List"
Copyright 2004 JoePez Publications

My friends wonder why I’m such a Pez freak, what can I say?
I don’t feel the need to explain my obsession away.
They think maybe I should get out more, but I know they’re wrong (they’re wrong)
I’m just better off gettin’ funky with this Pez song.

When they insist on denying my bliss,
I tell them this
When they want to know what I just can’t miss
I load up my Pez, and these words I do profess,
(Because the flick) the flick is in the wrist
(Because the flick) the flick is in the wrist
Because the flick is in the wrist when I tilt back the Pez
(Because the flick) the flick is in the wrist
(Because the flick) the flick I can’t resist
Because the flick is in the wrist when I’m popping a Pez.

They go crazy thinking of reasons why I should just quit,
The fun of collecting the Pez, I guess they never will get.
Sometimes when I offer it up, I’m just given a stare (a stare)
They don’t understand that Pez is something to share

But when they insist on denying my bliss,
I tell them this
When they want to know what I just can’t miss
I load up my Pez, and these words I do profess,
(Because the flick) the flick is in the wrist
(Because the flick) the flick is in the wrist
Because the flick is in the wrist when I tilt back the Pez
(Because the flick) the flick is in the wrist
(Because the flick) the flick I can’t resist
Because the flick is in the wrist when I’m popping a Pez.

Flea Market Pez
To the tune of "Family Man"
Copyright 2004 JoePez Publications

He had little cash
He had spent most of it on such piles of junk
He heard a little voice,
He knew just perfectly well that it was useless to run

She said “Buy me right now, I’m a flea market Pez
And I’ll look really great on your shelf!”
She said “Buy me right now, I’m a flea market Pez
And you gotta to be good to yourself!”

He turned right around
And he saw her right there on the table display
Many minutes passed,
And he found that he couldn’t even dare look away

She said “Buy me right now, I’m a flea market Pez
And I’ll look really great on your shelf!”
She said “Buy me right now, I’m a flea market Pez
And you gotta to be good to yourself!”

He had just five bucks,
And it was barely enough for him to cover the price,
He had to make a choice,
Should he use it for gas or should he take her advice?

She said “Buy me right now, I’m a flea market Pez
And I’ll look really great on your shelf!”
She said “Buy me right now, I’m a flea market Pez
And you gotta to be good to yourself!”

He sits at his desk,
And he glances at her ev’ry once in a while,
She stands tall and proud,
She had him right from the start with her painted-on smile.

She said “Buy me right now, I’m a flea market Pez
And I’ll look really great on your shelf!”
She said “Buy me right now, I’m a flea market Pez
And you gotta to be good to yourself!”

She said “Buy me right now, I’m a flea market Pez
And I’ll look really great on your shelf!”
She said “Buy me right now, I’m a flea market Pez
And you gotta to be good to yourself!”

For all five Hall and Oates Pez songs, click here.