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Pezhead Monthly
February 2002

Cover and Table of Contents | Page 2 | Page 3

Five Questions for the Incredible Hulk Pez Dispenser top of page | cover page

Pezhead Monthly: Incredible Hulk Pez, what makes you so incredible?

Incredible Hulk Pez: Hulk Pez big and strong, not pushover like Carrot Top in those long distance commercials. Hulk Pez strike fear in hearts of men and stomp out evil wherever it may be. Also, Hulk Pez has impressive stock portfolio.

PM: Truly incredible. Hulk Pez, I'm noticing that, due to the gamma radiation you've absorbed, you are unable to speak in complete sentences. Or am I wrong, and are you just trying to talk like Tarzan?

Hulk Pez
It is difficult to conduct an interview with Incredible Hulk Pez, due to his inability to control his temper and his obvious disdain for photographers.

IHP: Hulk Pez's attorney gets this a lot. Gamma radiation not present in Pez candy. Hulk Pez not want to scare children more than necessary. And Tarzan?! Hulk Pez not see Tarzan on Pez Dispenser!!!! Tarzan swing from trees, but Tarzan not dispense fruity goodness to kids of all ages like Hulk Pez, does he?!?!

PM: (After awkward silence) Well, there's the Tarzan Body Part that attaches to dispensers, but I can see that's a sore point for you, so on to the next question. What's it like for a superhero with unconceivable strength and rage to grace a Pez dispenser?

IHP: Hulk Pez finds experience very humbling. Allows Hulk Pez to focus wrath, if just for few seconds, so Pez candy can be given to good people. However, big head on Hulk Pez leads to high degree of accidental tipping over. Fortunately Hulk Pez strong and mighty, plus has good health insurance plan.

Hulk Pez
Incredible Hulk Pez in simpler times. What went wrong?

PM: Sounds like you've got some stress your life but are dealing with it as best you can. So, Incredible Hulk Pez, just how exactly do you maintain that youthful green appearance?

IHP: Hulk Pez getting distinct impression that interview becoming patronizing. Hulk Pez angry!!! GRRRRRR!!!

PM: Whoa, easy big fella. Settle down, please. You don't have to tear my arms off like you did with that guy from "Rolling Stone." Out of curiosity, have you ever considered taking anger management classes?

IHP: Sorry for outburst. Hulk Pez still reeling from last week's visit to "Jerry Springer Show", when he discovered girlfriend Wonder Woman Pez cheating on him with Batman Pez. Hulk Pez hurt and confused. Pez needs to release She Hulk dispenser pronto! Hulk Pez needs love too!


The Pez Almost-Quote of the Month top of page | cover page

"I could've had Pez. I could've been a collector. I could've been somebody, instead of a bum, which is what I am."


Pez Almost-Love Songs top of page | cover page

What if some of the most cherished love songs were based on Pez dispensers? Here are some choruses for you and your loved one (and by loved one I mean Pez dispenser) to dance the night away to.

Julio Iglesias, "To All the Girls I've Loved Before":

To all the Pez I've loved before,
Who've lined the shelves at home and store
I'm glad you came along,
I dedicate this song
To all the Pez I've loved before

REO Speedwagon, "Keep On Lovin' You":

And I'm gonna keep collecting you,
'Cause it's the only thing I wanna do
I dream of you in sleep,
And that is why I'll keep
Collecting you.

The Carpenters, "Close to You":

Why do Pez line up in a row
Everywhere you seem to go?
Just like me, they long to be
Close to you.

Celine Dion, "My Heart Will Go On":

Mint, loose,
Whatever its use,
I know that my Pez will go on.
I'll get
The entire set,
And I know that my Pez will go on.

The Month in Pez top of page | cover page

February 9, 1964: The Beatles take the stage on the Ed Sullivan show, starting the British Invasion. A little known fact is that the teenage girls in the audience were screaming and swooning not because they were attracted to the Fab Four, but because Ringo was sporting a Pez necktie.

February 14, 1876: Alexander Graham Bell submits a patent for the telephone. What did people have to talk about on the phone before Pez was invented decades later?

February 24, 1964: Cassius Clay defeats Sonny Liston for the heavyweight boxing title. For inspiration, Clay imagined that Liston had stolen his Pez collection. Liston clearly had no chance.

February 27, 1932: Actress Elizabeth Taylor is born. She's had many husbands, true, but sadly not as many Pez dispensers…

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