Spring Loaded: A Message from the Editor top of page | cover page

A very happy New Year from Pezhead Monthly.

A small variety of Pez-flavored goodies came my way this past month, including the new giant Ninja Turtles Pez dispenser, as well as the new "Celebrating Pez:" book and, at long last, my very own copy of Pezheads: The Movie! I have not had a chance to watch it yet (although I did attend the screening at Pezamania 16 last year), but hopefully over the course of the next couple of weeks I'll have a chance to sit down and take it in.

The first Pezhead Monthly issue of 2007 looks back at the year 2006, from a Pez persective of course. You'll be truly amazed to see how much Pez impacted events last year. Rounding out this issue is some Pez Poetry and the Pez Almost-Quote of the Month.

Thanks for reading and see you next month!

Joe Durrant
Editor, Pezhead Monthly
joe@pezheadmonthly.com

2006: The Year In Pez top of page | cover page

Now that 2006 is behind is, we now have a chance to pause and reflect on the year that was. Lots of developments occurred in the areas of celebrities, politics, and sports. But what may not have come across is the integral part Pez played in this past year's events.

So here's a stroll down memory lane, as we take a look at 2006: The Year In Pez.

January

Alan Greenspan steps down as chairman of the Federal Reserve Board. He plans on spending more time with his family, but more importantly, with his financial expertise he also plans on investing in his Pez collection.

Talk show queen Oprah Winfrey eviscerates author James Frey for deceiving the public through his fraudulent memoir, "A Million Little Pieces." In particular, on page 152, Frey claimed that he was the president of Pez Candy Inc. from 1975 to 1982, and as such he has inside information on the next 5 to 10 years of Pez dispenser designs. But this turns out to be false, and Pezheads around the world heap scorn on Frey for getting their hopes up. For shame, James.

February

In his nationally televised State of the Union address, President Bush declares that America is addicted to oil. However, he refuses to address the even more powerful addiction that the nation has to Pez collecting. Denial's not just a river in Egypt, Mr. President.

During a hunting trip, US Vice President Dick Cheney mistakes his friend for a quail and shoots him in the face. However, what was not reported in the media was that the evening before this incident, the Vice President's friend had broken several of his Pez dispensers in a fit of rage after losing to him in Scrabble. So, while this publication does not advocate the practice of shooting people in the face, it is evident that the dude had it coming.

March

In a fit of anger, supermodel Naomi Campbell throws a phone at her assistant. Apparently it all started when her assistant bought her one of these cheap Smarties dispensers instead of a Pez dispenser. Hopefully that taught her assistant a valuable lesson about what kinds of candy dispensers one should purchase.

April

Rock superstar Keith Richards falls out of a coconut tree. Although some reports indicate that Richards did this because he was intoxicated, the real story was that Mick Jagger had thrown one of his Pez dispensers into the tree. Therefore, while Richards was in fact incredibly drunk, he technically fell out of the tree trying to get the Pez dispenser. Whether or not Richards ever got his Pez dispensers back remains one of the great unsolved mysteries of 2006.

Celebrity news reaches a fever pitch when Tom Cruise and Katie Holmes have a baby, Suri. As this picture indicates, they are clearly Pezheads. No word, however, on whether being a Pezhead conflicts with the tenets of Scientology. But since anyone can be a Pezhead, it's probably not a big deal.

May

April showers bring May flowers, and May flowers in turn bring June Pez, as evident at the St. Louis Pez convention the following month.

Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie have a baby, Shiloh. They may be two of the most beautiful people on the planet, but unlike fellow new celebrity parents Tom Cruise and Katie Holmes, they don't appear to be Pezheads. We hope for the best for little Shiloh, and as for Brad and Angelina, well, it's never too late.

June

After being found guilty on cocaine possession, singer/DJ Boy George is ordered to community service, specifically, picking up trash in New York City. However, Boy George gets the last laugh, as he comes across a wide variety of Pez dispensers in mint condition that people carelessly throw out. This is further proof of his claim more than 20 years ago that he is a Karma Chameleon.

Senator Ted Stevens (R-Alaska) contends that the Internet is "a series of tubes." Pezheads across the country leap in excitement, mishearing the senator and believing that this was news of new Pez tubes, which typically appear for the holiday dispensers. But when they learn that Sen. Stevens was actually referring to the Internet being a series of tubes, they were rather disappointed.

Warren Buffett donates over $30 billion to the Bill & Melinda Gates Foundation. No offense to the world's sick, poor, and uneducated children who will benefit from this generous donation, but man, think of all the Pez that could buy.

July

In the wildly popular World Cup tournament, French soccer superstar Zinedine Zidane headbutts Marco Materazzi. While many people were shocked and outraged at this flagrant violation of good sportsmanship, Zidane was only doing an impression of the spring-loaded action of a Pez dispenser when things went horribly wrong. So let's cut the guy some slack.

During a routine traffic stop, Mel Gibson spouts a series of anti-Semitic slurs. Golly, if Gibson did not want to receive packages of Kosher Pez, he could have at least been nicer about it. Over the line, Mad Max.

August

After a broken terrorist plot in London, United States Homeland Security declares a liquid and gel ban on all flights. This happened to coincide with MNPezCon11, causing scores of Pezheads to dump their Pez Juices into airport trashcans. Never before have there been a luckier set of airport trashcans, and never again shall there be.

Snakes on a Plane opens and falls far short of expectations. I tried to tell them that Snake Pez on a Plane would be a surefire hit, but did they listen? Nooooooo!

Pluto is no longer considered to be a planet, but rather a dwarf planet. In a similar move, mini Pez, cereal Pez, party favor Pez, and keychain Pez are now considered dwarf Pez dispensers. However, Pezheads should rest assured that Pluto Pez is still Pluto Pez, and Extreme Pluto Pez is also still Extreme Pluto Pez. There is no need to panic.

September

Katie Couric debuts as the first lead female anchor in US network news. In a new segment called "Free Speech," Americans famous and not so famous are invited to share their opinions on a variety of subjects. However, as of the date of this publication, there have been no advocates of the wonders of candy, much less Pez candy. The conspiracy continues.

Supermarket shelves are cleared when a link is discovered between bagged spinach and the e-coli bacteria. However, for the 53rd straight year, Pez candy is deemed e-coli free. This is however a bittersweet development for Popeye Pez.

October

Bob Barker announces that he will be retiring as host of the long-running game show, "The Price is Right." However, he is still in talks to host the new primetime game show, "Pez or No Pez."

The second season of VH1's "Flavor of Love," starring hip-hop maestro Flavor Flav, ends with a record number of viewers. Although the show has so far successfully managed to avoid spilling the big secret, Pezheads around the world have strong reason to believe that whatever the flavor of love may be, it is clearly one of the flavors of Pez candy. With this in mind, Pezhead Monthly speculates that the flavor of love is cola.

November

The Democrats score big in the US midterm elections and take control of both the House of Representatives and the Senate. Exit polls indicate that the public was getting tired of Republican rule. And frankly, Senator Ted Stevens didn't help with his "series of tubes" remark disappointing legions of Pezheads.

In what may be the most heartbreaking story of 2006, Britney Spears and Kevin Federline separate and appear to be headed towards divorce in the coming year. However, while Federline appears to once again be destined for the realm of obscurity, Britney positions herself well for a new chapter in her life as a Pez dispenser.

December

The holiday season heads into high gear with shoppers in desperate hunts for the new video game systems Playstation 3 and Nintendo Wii. While stores frequently run out of stock of these systems, causing mass frustration, holiday Pez dispensers are everywhere, including the new Mrs. Claus dispenser. A nation of Pezheads rejoice as fruity goodness is guaranteed for kids of all ages this Christmas.

Time magazine picks You as Person of the Year. Congratulations, You. Now go out and get some Pez to celebrate your big victory.

Pez Poetry top of page | cover page

Pez Haiku #72

Two thousand seven:
I resolve to lose some weight
And to gain some Pez.

Pez Almost-Quote of the Month top of page | cover page

"I'm the decider, and I decide what's best. And what's best is for Pez to remain the coolest candy dispenser ever."

Table of Contents | Page 2