Spring Loaded: A Message from the Editor top of page | cover page

A very happy New Year from Pezhead Monthly!

We ring in 2005 with style, with our traditional look back at the year before, in the feature article "2004: The Year In Pez." Also in this issue is an exclusive Five Questions segment with the 2005 Pez calendar, along with some Pez Poetry and a Pez Almost-Quote to start the year off with a bang.

Although the pickin's were slimmer than usual this year, I was able to come across the 2005 Pez Christmas ornaments- a Police Pez and a Firefighter Pez- on super clearance following the Christmas holiday. This, combined with the discovery of the new Pez calendar, made december a month to remember.

Here's to another great year of peace, love, fun, and of course Pez. See you next month!

Joe Durrant
Editor, Pezhead Monthly
joe@pezheadmonthly.com

2004: The Year In Pez top of page | cover page

It is time once again to reflect on the year that was. Today we look back and recall the highs and lows of 2004, while at the same time keeping in mind the considerable influence that Pez had on it.

Without further ado, let's get to it.

January:

Steve "Crocodile Hunter" Irwin causes a panic when he feeds a crocodile with one hand and holds his baby with the other hand. While this is an impressive feat, the Croc Hunter still needs two hands to load a Pez dispenser. However, he can still dispense Pez candy while holding his baby.

February:

Janet Jackson's "wardrobe malfunction" at the Super Bowl sends parents and government censors into an outrage. Imagine how much the controversy would have escalated if she had also broken a Pez dispenser on live television.

Popular plastic duo Barbie and Ken break up. The main reason cited in the split is that Barbie enjoys eating Pez right out of the wrapper, whereas Ken insists on loading up the dispenser with the candy.

Fox television announces plans for a remake of the classic sitcom, "Mr. Ed," which featured a horse that can talk. How ridiculous!! By the way, be sure to check out this month's Pezhead Monthly Five Questions with the 2005 Pez calendar.

March:

Fitness guru Richard Simmons is arrested for slapping a salesman at a Phoenix airport. No one is exactly sure what led Simmons to slap the man, but it is widely believed that there was a simple misunderstanding: when the salesman uttered "how fruity," he was referring to the many flavors of Pez candy, not to Richard Simmons.

April:

America's oldest car company calls it quits as the last Oldsmobile is rolled off of assembly lines. Fortunately, America's oldest candy dispenser company is still alive and well.

The aftershocks of February's Janet Jackson incident continue to be felt, as radio company Clear Channel fires shock jock Howard Stern. Apparently even talking about breaking a Pez dispenser on the radio is cause for punishment. It is nice to see that the censors are doing their job correctly.

May:

California Governor Arnold Schwarzenegger attempts to terminate the production and sales of his bobblehead doll. Fortunately, he does not mind the many Pirate, Doctor, Policeman, and other Pez bobbleheads out there.

Actress Gwenyth Paltrow gives birth to a baby girl and names her "Apple." This was, of course, her favorite flavor of Pez Sourz candy. Her husband expresses gratitude that she didn't prefer the Raspberry flavor instead.

Television megahit "Friends" ends its 10-season run with laughter and tears. In the last episode, Ross Pez and Rachel Pez are reunited and live happily ever after. But the more important news is that we'll never get to hear the theme song again, except six times a day in syndication. For old time's sake, here it is:

I'll Reload For You
To the tune of "I'll Be There For You"
Copyright 2004 JoePez Publications

So no one told you that your Pez is now empt-ay (clap clap clap clap clap)
You cannot share, you're bare, you're in a real bad way

It's like you're always asked for just one more
And you haven't had the chance, the time, or the cash to hit the store, but

I'll reload for you
When your chamber is bare
I'll reload for you
Pez needs to be there
I'll reload for you
'Cuz you'd reload for me too...

June:

Just four months after splitting up with Ken, Barbie reenters the dating world with a fellow named Blaine from Australia. He loves to eat Pez right out of the package too, so they should be all set.

July:

Bicyclist extraordinaire Lance Armstrong wins his record sixth consecutive Tour de France. In interviews afterwards he claimed that he didn't even know there was a race going on, he had just heard from the Yahoo Pez list that the new Spongebob Pez dispensers were available and he wanted to be sure he got some.

Actor Ewan McGregor completes an epic tour around the world. Oh, the places he saw. And oh, the Pez he found.

August:

Hotel heiress and reality show star Paris Hilton loses her dog, Tinkerbell. She is doubly concerned, because on her dog's collar was a rare Crystal Lion Pez dispenser. Fortunately, both the dog and the Pez arrive home safely a few days later.

Talk show queen Oprah Winfrey is assigned to jury duty. The case is a tough one, with the accused facing charges of fraudulent activities involving a Pez dispenser on eBay. Oprah, an avid Pez collector, decides with the rest of the jury that the accused should be prosecuted to the fullest extent of the law.

Regis Philbin is named the man who has logged the most television onscreen hours in history. Just think about all the chances he had to extol the virtues of Pez.

September:

Domestic guru Martha Stewart asks to begin serving her 5-month jail sentence. The sooner she gets out of jail, the sooner she can get back to her decorative Pez projects.

October:

After breaking the Curse of the Bambino by defeating the New York Yankees, The Boston Red Sox pull off a historic win in their first World Series victory in more than 80 years. You can bet that had there been a commemorative Pez dispenser for those games, they would be getting more than a few bids on eBay, provided the reserve price can be met.

Pop singer Ashlee Simpson has an embarrassing moment during a "Saturday Night Live" segment when a pre-recorded track continues playing after she is done singing. She later blamed acid reflux for the incident, which occured after she ate a whole package of Pez candy followed by a liter of Coca Cola in just under a minute. Those wild rock stars- when will they ever learn?

November:

After a vigorous and brutal campaign season between himself and Senator John Kerry, US President George W. Bush wins reelection. In a bold speech following his victory, he proclaims "I have earned political capital in the campaign, and now I intend to spend it." Unfortunately, the microphone cuts out just before he completes the sentence, "on a vintage Frankenstein Pez at the next Pez convention."

After a record-setting 75 times on the game show "Jeopardy," and a cash prize total of over $2 million, contestant Ken Jennings loses. He lost in "Final Jeopardy" on this question:

Across the world, a deafening roar is felt when millions of Pezheads simultaneously slap their hands on their foreheads.

December:

After over 22 years as anchorman of NBC news, Tom Brokaw steps down. In his final broadcast, he thanks his loyal viewers, his network, his family and friends, and most of all the wonder and magic of Pez for brightening up even the darkest of news stories.

Dick Clark, successfully recovering from a stroke, announces that Regis Philbin will be filling in for him for his popular New Year's Eve celebration. That's a couple of more hours of TV time for Regis, and also a chance for Dick Clark to ring in the New Year with his beloved Pez collection.

Other Years In Pez...
2003
2002
2001

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