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Five
Questions for the Policeman Pez Dispenser top
of page | cover page
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Policeman Pez is charged with the
duty to protect and serve the Pez dispenser community.
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Pezhead
Monthly: Policeman Pez, it's great
to have you with us for the first Five Questions of
2004. Just to clear the air right away, you are not
one of the vintage Policeman Pez Pals from the 1970s,
but rather a part of one of the newest Pez sets out
there, the Emergency Hero set. Do you find yourself
constantly having to explain this?
Policeman
Pez: At first, yes, it was all I got
done. But my more realistic features, as opposed to
the cartoonish features of the vintage Pez, clearly
identify me as a newer dispenser. No slight intended
against the wonderful vintage Pez, of course.
PM:
But of course. On the topic of your
more realistic appearance, Policeman Pez, you do give
the impression of being more serious than other dispensers.
Do you worry that this will clash with the light and
cheerful nature of Pez?
PP:
Not at all. I'm really not all that
serious, truth be told. However, I do need to put
up a good front and let people know I mean business.
I'm a
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nice guy,
but if you steal some of my fellow Pez I am authorized to
hunt you down and bring you in. I just hope it doesn't come
to that, because I am after all made of plastic and I don't
think I could put up much of a fight.
PM:
It's nice to know you're on our side, Policeman
Pez. Plus, I'd imagine that being released with other Emergency
Heroes has got to be a big morale booster in times of crisis.
Do you find this to be the case?
PP:
I certainly do, yes. We all get along pretty
well. When traumatic things happen to our fellow Pez dispensers,
such as a massive, accidental domino-style dispenser collapse,
we are right there on the scene. Everyone plays an important
part, even Construction Worker Pez, whose role in an actual
emergency we have yet to figure out. When it comes to preserving
law and order, Policewoman Pez and I make a great team,
along with K-9 German Shepherd Pez, who we are still trying
to train to roll over. At least he has the "dispense"
command down pat.
PM:
Well, I suppose you have to start somewhere.
Out of curiosity, is there ever any conflict between the
Emergency Hero Pez and the Superhero Pez?
PP:
No, we get along pretty well. There are some
differences, sure. For example, if I were to encounter a
criminal, I would cuff him and read him his rights. This
would never happen with Hulk Pez, who would probably growl
incoherently and then throw him across the room. But at
the end of the day, we're on the same side and, yes, we're
both part of the same timeless tradition of Pez.
PM:
Quite fascinating, Policeman Pez. Thanks
again for joining us this month. Lastly, do you have any
dirt to dish on any of your fellow Emergency Heroes?
PP:
Being a Pez dispenser, I have a deep and
profound admiration for all things Pez, with the possible
exception of Pez Popcorn, because that's just plain weird.
That being said, some members of the Emergency Hero set
do have their quirks. For instance, Diver Pez, bless his
heart, is always so melodramatic. Every time something comes
up, he always panics and jumps into the water. He never
remembers that Pez dispensers are notoriously bad swimmers.
But he's not so bad. When he uses that breathing apparatus
he sometimes sounds like Darth Vader Pez, and we all get
a big kick out of that.
Pez
Poetry top
of page | cover page
Pez
Haiku #33
It's
a brand new year,
But I am proud to report
It's the same ol' Pez.
Lorie
There
once was a Pezhead named Lorie
Who searched for Pez fortune and glory,
But none could be found
At the new diner in town,
So she settled for Veal Cacciatore.
Pez
Almost-Quote of the Month top
of page | cover page
"Some
see Pez that are and ask why. I dream of Pez that never
were and ask why not."
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