Five Questions for the SpongeBob SquarePants Fantasy Pez Dispenser
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Although he is not an official product of Pez Inc., SpongeBob Pez is as real as they come.

Pezhead Monthly: SpongeBob Pez, you are the first ever "fantasy dispenser" interviewed by this publication. I don't think I have to tell you that there is not exactly universal appeal for Fantasy Pez dispensers, and that this is the reason why Pezhead Monthly is conducting this interview at an undisclosed location. Why do you think that Fantasy dispensers have not yet garnered widespread admiration? SpongeBob Pez: Well, I can certainly see where the so-called "Pez Purists" are coming from. After all, I am not an "official" Pez dispenser. Fantasy dispensers such as myself are not created in by machines in a factory, but in bedrooms and basements and garages of independent hobbyists. We are not sold at grocery stores, but rather on eBay and at Pez conventions. So we're not viewed as "authentic" and are not given the respect that traditional dispensers enjoy. PM: In fairness, SpongeBob Pez, a lot of the criticism that Fantasy Pez dispensers receive seems justified. To create Fantasy Pez, sometimes people just rip the head off a normal dispenser- that is terrifying in its own right- and then add another head. Then they sell it on eBay for tens if not hundreds of dollars. Doesn't this disregard for the quality of a Pez dispenser denigrate the hobby?

SP: I'll give you that, sir. There have long been stories of people taking a Happy Meal toy and sticking it on top of a Pez dispenser stem. That kind of shoddy craftsmanship benefits no one. But there are also some very well made fantasy dispensers. I hate to brag here, but I consider myself to be a very well designed Pez.

PM: I agree wholeheartedly, SpongeBob Pez, you are truly one of the exceptions that prove the rule. Whoever designed you did so with utmost care and precision. However, and please forgive me for continuing with this confrontational line of questioning, do you harbor any envy towards "official" Pez dispensers found in stores?

SP: Confrontational, you say? Heck, these questions are softballs. You should have seen some of the questions Ted Koppel was throwing at me. That man sure doesn't pull any punches. He almost made me cry at one point… I'm sorry, what was your question again?

PM: Nevermind, let's move on to a more pleasant topic: the New Year. What kinds of New Year's resolutions have you made for 2003?

SP: Well, I would like to tour the country with some of my friends, such as Patrick, Sandy, and of course Squidward. If they ever get made into Pez dispensers, that is.

PM: SpongeBob Pez, you have been a gracious guest who has hopefully cleared up some of the misconceptions of fantasy Pez dispensers. Any parting thoughts for our readers?

SP: Just one thought comes to mind: living in a pineapple under the sea doesn't hold a candle to being part of a Pez collection.

Pez Poetry top of page | cover page

Pez Haiku #19

When the New Years ball
Dropped, my fear was that some Pez
Was trapped beneath it.

A Tall Order

There once was a Pezhead named Paul
Who had ev'ry Pez, one and all.
When laid end to end,
I'm telling you, friend,
It was surely a million feet tall.

Pez Almost-Quote of the Month top of page | cover page

"A Pez before bed and a Pez upon rise makes a man healthy, wealthy, and wise."